The ALF-Files

Mulder finally finds the Alien Life Form he has been searching for. Scully is suitable bewildered. I want to believe that if they ever do another X-Files movie, this will be the plot. (via Tim Tomkinson)

Previously on Popped Culture...
GandALF
Duck Hunter S. Thompson
The Marketing Campaign Is Out There

5 Reasons Entertainment Lists Suck

I recently had the displeasure of leafing through Entertainment Weekly's list of the "New Classics." It reminded me instantly of why I don't watch or read anything entertainment-related from the month of November to February. (A teaser: in the TV section, The Real World, Miami Vice and Arsenio Hall are all mentioned, and rated highly in some cases.) No two people will ever entirely agree on lists, but all too often, lists are simply a means to get on Digg, or in the case of a printed edition like EW, to get some mindless content on the page in absence of actual commentary or criticism.

I now present to you the Five Reasons Why Entertainment Lists Suck:

1. They usually reflect whatever people are likely to remember from the last 5 months. Case in point: E! Channel's endless round ups often are a clearing house for films which have been released in the last calendar year. As much as "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" might be deemed by them as a top ten funniest film of all time, most of us beg to differ. Perhaps the writers in question don't have much of an attention span, or perhaps they are just lazy (or perhaps both, Adderall's a bitch.) It simply does not live up to "definitive."
2. There are no surprises, or controversial choices. AFI is the worst perpetrator of this. "Citizen Kane: best film of all time." O RLY? Whilst it was a significant departure at the time from traditional stories, and it was an huge leap technologically, there are several films that are every bit as good, if not better. (Though I might not agree completely, STORY Author Robert McKee argues quite effectively that Casablanca was the best film ever made.) You also know that someone at EW was phoning it in when number three in their New Classics list was Titanic. Mmmmm Treacle. It's excellent on buttered toast, but absolute shite on a film screen.
3. Often based on buzz or box office receipts. Some of the best films of all time did not make bank. Some films' box office receipts have not been corrected for inflation, and thus languish at the bottom of the pile. No one is really that interested in the highest grossing films of all time, in the context of reading an article about it, or watching a one hour, glossy special on the television. We care about why an author has chosen these particular films. Why did they choose "Saving Private Ryan" over the infinitely better "The Longest Day?" If the answer is solely in the cash register, the whole exercise is lost.
4. Lack of Insight. Whilst AFI lists supposedly have established "criteria" for judging the films in their lists, they, along with E! and EW don't give much sound reasoning to their choices. This dovetails to the problem with controversial choices. The Breakfast Club made EW's New Classics list. This is a common film which is bandied about as "Best of the Eighties." I would argue fiercely that Sixteen Candles is the best Molly Ringwald movie of all time, because it is a great send up of everything it means to be a teen, whereas the Breakfast Club is a bit of a dirge which slows to a near halt in the second act. I would argue the best teen movie of the Eighties is Fast Times at Ridgemont High, because of its deft weaving of actual issues into the fun and insanity of what it means to come of age. This is the type of insight lacking in most entertainment lists.
5. Kissing Up. In every list published, or presented on television, there is a high percentage of kissing up to certain people who these parties need to interview to shift their product. There is another insidious method of including certain entries to look "with it" or "well read." (Entries which will always appear which fall under this category include Schindler's List (a fine movie, but gets used for political reasons) Anything by Woody Allen (I love his films, but he's the indicator that the person mentioning him can be taken seriously) and anything which is a BBC Co-Production, or period piece. (For which, I will use my all time favourite jackass quote, from one Mr. Johnny Depp, when asked if he was romantic. He replied "Am I a romantic? I've seen Wuthering Heights 10 times. I'm a romantic." Asshattery at its finest, folks.)

Not all lists suck, but lists shouldn't exist on their own without some proper work, examination, and criticism thrown in for good measure. (C'mon, kids, you can use that expensive English degree!) It is not enough to assemble a bunch of shit you scribbled on to a napkin that time when you smoked the good weed, and publish it. You are in a privileged position to add some colour to your articles, and turn the average boob on to some truly excellent entertainment. Come on guys, step it up.

TV's Greatest Icons

In the midst of a writers strike that could reduce the TV landscape to a wasteland of reruns if it lasts, TV Land and Entertainment Weekly's list of The 50 Greatest TV Icons is a reminder of some of the best of what television has created.

The U.S. cable show will count down and profile the icons as will EW later this week, but the list is out now, so why wait to pick over it?

The list is topped by the King of Late Night, Johnny Carson and the man who venerates him, David Letterman, comes in at No. 16 while the man who inherited his chair, Jay Leno, didn't even crack the extended Top 100.

Modern-era icons Jerry Seinfeld and Homer Simpson made the Top 10 (No. 8 and No. 9, respectively), with the rest of the top slots taken by Lucille Ball, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Walter Cronkite, Carol Burnett, Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Clark.

It's a good list, though I would question the inclusion of George Clooney (No. 37), who really wasn't a huge star until he switched to films and John Stamos shouldn't be on the list, even at No. 90.

What's interesting to contemplate is that most of these icons are the creations of writers. Even though the list does not include their characters, most of these actors are known for one show. They brought their abilities and personalities to bear, but without the writers they would have had nothing to work with.

Cartoon characters like Homer, Kermit (No. 21) and Cartman (No. 84) first came to life with words. Hawkeye Pierce, Carrie Bradshaw, Alex P. Keaton, The Fonz, Rachel Green, Buffy Summers, J.R., Magnum and Gilligan sprung from a pen before the actors brought the characters into our living room.

In fact there are a lot of writers on the list: Carson, Cosby, Seinfeld, Letterman, Rosanne Barr, Alan Alda, Jon Stewart and Paul Reubens, to name a few.

So if we have to go without for awhile to make sure new names keep getting added to this list, then I can wait.

The 100 Greatest TV Icons

100. Marcia Cross
99. Delta Burke
98. Meredith Baxter
97. In Living Color cast
96. Shannen Doherty
95. Richard Dawson
94. Melissa Gilbert
93. Neil Patrick Harris
92. Judge Judy
91. Dennis Franz
90. John Stamos
89. Robert Guillaume
88. Gavin MacLeod
87. Phil Hartman
86. Jerry Mathers
85. Rod Serling
84. Cartman from "South Park"
83. Isabel Sanford
82. Ted Knight
81. Dick Cavett
80. Adam West
79. Angela Landsbury
78. Art Carney
77. James Garner
76. Candice Bergen
75. Peter Falk
74. Joan Rivers
73. Tony Danza
72. Cher
71. Rosie O'Donnell
70. Bob Denver
69. Barbara Eden
68. Don Cornelius
67. Tom Selleck
66. Kelsey Grammer
65. Pamela Anderson
64. Phil Donahue
63. Ed Asner
62. Redd Foxx
61. Pee Wee Herman
60. Merv Griffin
59. Ted Danson
58. Don Knotts
57. Charlie Brown
56. Betty White
55. Fred Rogers
54. Florence Henderson
53. Ed McMahon
52. Ron Howard
51. Bob Hope
50. Larry Hagman
49. Calista Flockhart
48. Jimmy Smits
47. Simon Cowell
46. Lassie
45. Sarah Michelle Gellar
44. Susan Lucci
43. Flip Wilson
42. James Gandolfini
41. Jon Stewart
40. Sally Field
39. Jennifer Aniston
38. Bea Arthur
37. George Clooney
36. Diahann Carroll
35. Michael J. Fox
34. Bob Barker
33. Ellen DeGeneres
32. Henry Winkler
31. Sarah Jessica Parker
30. Alan Alda
29. John Ritter
28. Howard Cosell
27. Regis Philbin
26. Farrah Fawcett
25. Heather Locklear
24. Michael Landon
23. Barbara Walters
22. Milton Berle
21. Kermit
20. Carroll O'Connor
19. Andy Griffith
18. William Shatner
17. Bob Newhart
16. David Letterman
15. "Not Ready for Primetime Players"
14. Ed Sullivan
13. Jackie Gleason
12. Dick Van Dyke
11. Roseanne
10. Dick Clark
9. Homer Simpson
8. Jerry Seinfeld
7. Mary Tyler Moore
6. Carol Burnett
5. Walter Cronkite
4. Bill Cosby
3. Oprah Winfrey
2. Lucille Ball
1. Johnny Carson