The Charlie Sheen Comics Page

You know, I wanted to avoid posting about Charlie Sheen, I really did, but when his bat-shit insane rants moved into comics even I had to relent. What can I do? It's funny stuff.

Above, the Sheen Family Circus: If Billy, Dolly, Jeffy and PJ lived like Charlie Sheen. (Via Nag on the Lake)

Charlie Sheen quotes as New Yorker cartoons, from Buzzfeed.

Charlie Sheen quotes presented by Superheroes, by Comics Alliance

Previously on Popped Culture...

Christ, What An Asshole

FMyLife: Greek Mythology

The Ghosts Of Sitcoms Past

David Hasselhoff Is Hoff The Hook

I'd try and explain this photo by noting that David Hasselhoff is appearing in a production of Peter Pan in London, but really, there is no explaining this. (Link via The Superficial)

Previously on Popped Culture...

Throw Them At My Hoff Clone

Very Useful Celebrities

KITT vs. the General Lee

I Want My Life Back

Mike Mitchell's portrait of a BP executive gives a whole new sense to the word "oily," which seems all the mosre appropriate after CEO Tony Hayward's posting of a message on earlier this month on Facebook, saying "I want my life back."

Previously on Popped Culture...
Who Died In An Oil Spill Because Of BP?
The Death Of Aquaman
A Bad Month For Cartoon Characters

You Fudge With Me, You're Fudging With The Best!

An elementary school production of Scarface? Seriously? How messed up is this school? I can't imagine this is real, but I hope hope it is. I love the pile of popcorn standing in for cocaine. (Break via Screen Junkies)

Update: So yeah, it's not real — it's a viral video from the director of Lady Gaga's Pokerface 

Previously on Popped Culture...
First You Get The Money...
When You Get The Force, Then You Get The Women
Oompa LoomPacino

Badda Bing Badda Brand

MINI Extended Motorer Protection
Companies really need to think before they attach themselves to pop culture figures. BMW’s Mini is trying to tell people they should have extended motor protection for their car. You know, protection, wink wink. So out they roll (WARNING I'm totally about to spoil the above video) Paulie Walnuts to protect this amorous couple out in the woods.

Hey, when was the last time I saw Paulie out in the woods with a car? Hmm, I don't think it went so well. MINI Extended Motorer Protection: You Might Get Away With Only A Head Wound.


Valery
Previously on Popped Culture...
The Dabba Don
Suddenly Last Supper
Time For A Commercial Break

Marge Be Not Proud

Marge Simpson is going to be on the cover of Playboy? This is wrong, wrong wrong. The Devil in Marge Simpson? Ew, ew, ew.... On a related note, don't do an image search for Marge Simpson naked. You can't unsee that stuff. (Link via The Ampersand)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Cartoons I'd Like to F***

Cartoon Girls Gone Wild
If Cartoons Were Real

Terrible News, Everyone!

How does FOX manage to turn a great idea into a shit hole with such ease? When it was confirmed last month that Futurama was being revived for a 26-episode run, I was thrilled. Yay, buying the (truth be told, kinda boring) straight-to-DVD movies worked. Bender would return to his insulting, pimping, boozing self and the show could get back to its incisive, hilarious satire of modern life, technology and sci-fi.

The show would look the same, the cast was already excited about returning and, if they could get back some of the key writing staff, it would be like it never left.

Well bite my shiny metal ass if they didn't find a way to screw it up. Forces of Geek is reporting that FOX has sent out a casting notice, looking to replace actors John DiMaggio (Bender), Billy West (Fry, Prof Farnsworth, Zoidberg) Katy Sagal (Turanga Leela) and the rest of the cast.

WTF?! What kind of cheap stunt is this? I can only hope this isn't true, but if it is, it would put me off the show entirely. I will not watch/purchase/reccomend the new Futurama if they treat the cast, and fans, like this. Hopefully they will reconsider.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Watcharama: Who watches the Futuramen?
Invaders! Possibly From Space!
Obsoletely Fabulous

Raise A Little Hair

If anyone ever wondered what really destroyed the ozone layer, it was hair bands from the 1980s. Don't believe me? Check out the Best Hair of the 80's Hair Metal Bands and look in amazement at how much hairspray must have been deployed for each photo shoot.

Back in those dark days, I started to believe there were really only a half dozen guys playing in all these band. There was almost always a blonde guy and three or four other poodle-permed dude and they would just switch their spandex/leather/demin uniforms and pose for another pic. Only Jon Bon Jovi dared tell the truth: "It's all the same, only the names will change." Which is why he was wanted, dead or alive. (Link via Media-Digest)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Overkill
Three Imaginary Boys
Everything's Drawn And Super 80s

Star Trek: Smells Like Certain Death

Or failure. It also smells like failure. That would be "Red Shirt," the new Star Trek cologne from Genki. Yup, a scent based on the low-level ensigns that invariably died every time the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise beamed down to a planet.

The tagline, reports Trek Movie, is "Because Tomorrow May Never Come," which leads me to think this might be a joke. It is described as a cologne for those with a "devotion to living each day as it could be your last" and smells like green mandarin, bergamot, and lavender, with notes of leather and grey musk. Of course the kind of person who would have no such devotion, nor would they be likely actually wear cologne. I know, I've been to a to a Star Trek convention. (It was for work, honest.)

You can also boldly go with "Tiberius" or replicate a Vulcan mating ritual with "Ponn Farr." Like anyone wearing this stuff is going to be having sex.

(Link via Information Nation and Geekologie)

Paris Hilton Raps, Universe Implodes

Paris Hilton: "Yo whassup, My name is P Hizzle, I'm chillin in the clizzle with my homeboy Snoop Dizzle, he's sexy, he's fine, he is the man of our time. I love him..."

Snoop Dogg: "Sweet P! Ohhh wee!, Do it to 'em Dogg After Dark baby gurl. Don't stop, won't stop, can't stop. Look in yo eyes, look in my eyes, no surprise. 'Sweet P' and the D O Double G Yyyy."

Ugggh, this is just so full of terrible. Seriously, how does she continue getting work? Ironic appreciation or not, I think Snoop Dogg has had any last vestiges of street cred scoured off him with this.

(Link via Ampersand)

Duoseptuagenuple Stuffed Oreo

"One package of Double Stuf Oreos has thirty-six cookies. Each cookie is 'double stuffed' which means there is enough of the good stuff in there for seventy-two Oreo cookies. So what would you call it if you stacked all that gooey goodness into ONE MASSIVE COOKIE?"

Ok, that's wrong, isn't it? So why do I want to get a massive glass of milk.
Om nom nom nom.

From Jasongraphix via Neatorama

Turbaconducken: A Wonderful, Magical Animal

I don't know if I've ever seen anything that has made my mouth water and appalled me at the same time. Bacon-wrapped chicken, stuffed inside a bacon-wrapped duck, crammed inside a turkey — wrapped in bacon of course.

So wrong, but yet so right. Forget turducken, I must eat this. From the twisted minds at Bacon Today.

(Link via Yes But No But Yes)

Staggeringly, Jaw-Droppingly Bad

Writing a new Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sequel is bad idea. Really bad. You just won't believe how vastly, staggeringly, jaw-droppingly bad it is. I mean, you might think that writing new James Bond novels is a bad idea, but that's just peanuts to the Hitchhiker's book. Listen...

A new author had been tapped to write a sixth book in the increasingly inaccurately-named Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. Douglas Adams' widow (Adams died at 49 in 2001) Jane Belson, has given her approval to a plan by Penguin to resurrect Arthur Dent, Zaphod Beeblebrox and Marvin, the Paranoid Android (the antecedent to Futurama's Bender).

Eoin Colfer, the author of the Artemis Fowl novels, will write the posthumous installment, entitled And Another Thing... "My first reaction was semi-outrage that anyone should be allowed to tamper with this incredible series," Colfer told The Times. "But on reflection I realized that this is a wonderful opportunity to work with characters I have loved since childhood and give them something of my own voice while holding on to the spirit of Douglas Adams."

He really should have stuck with his first thought. But of course booksellers are already salivating at the thought: “There’s a ready-made audience of millions for more Hitchhiker’s books," said Michael Rowley, Waterstone’s science fiction buyer. "This is very exciting news for all those fans."

Well, not this one. The Guide was my first pop culture obsession, before The Cure and before The Simpsons. I read all the books, have the original radio show on cassette, the scripts, a towel (I sill know where it is) and I treasure my signed copy of the trilogy from one of Adam's readings. I love the universe Adams created, a place where you learn how to fly by throwing yourself at the ground and missing; where a ship is powered by improbability; where the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, which has an effect similar to "having one's brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick." The Guide itself is akin to reading a Wikipedia that has a sense of humour on a Blackberry — a very prescient invention.

So why would I want to read someone else's vision of this place, of these characters? "For years I have been finishing this incredible story in my head and now I have the opportunity to do it in the real world," said Colfer. Wonderful, so why not write your own book? To me, it will just be fan fiction. Well written fan fiction to be sure, but fan fiction nonetheless.

Of course it's all about moving books and trying to revive a franchise that once brought in so much money and perhaps is dwindling off nowadays. Sad, but true. When this comes out, you'll find me reading far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy.

Steven Page Has Drugs In His Pocket

In honour of Barenaked Ladies front man Steven Page and his recent arrest for snorting coke through a Candian bill while at his girlfriend's, roomate's apartment in Syracuse, NY, I present La La La Lines. (Cocaine slang starting with L from Argot and apologies to Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie.)

Ed: Hello Steve.

Steve: Oh. Hi Ed. Someone left these lines here and I don't know what to do with them.

Ed: Why don't you put them right in the middle of your nose?

Steve: Yeah, thanks.

Ed: No, I'm just kidding. They're not my lines. Um, I was thinking though, you could sing like a "La La La" song.

Steve: Yeah, that sounds great.

Ed: No, I'm serious. You could sing some "La La La's" and then some pretty words that start with "L." You'd have a nice little song there.

Steve: Oh you mean like "La La La?"

Ed: No, come on, give it a try.

Steve: La, la, la, la... lines
La, la, la, la, Line cocaine

Ed: I guess.

Steve: La, la, la, la, Lady snow. This is fun.
La, la, la, la, leaf marijuana

Ed: I think we're almost there. I just, I was thinking more sort of, you know, loverly lilting words that start with "L." Like this...
La, la, la, la, Love affair

Steve: Uh-ha.

Ed: La, la, la, la, lace

Steve: I see.

Ed: La, la, la, la, lady

Steve: Ahhhhhh!

Ed: La, la, la, la, lights in the sky.

Steve: I got one. You are going to love this one!

Ed: I love it already. Let's hear it.

Steve: Here we go...
La, la, la, LEGAL TROUBLE!

Ed: *Sighs* Listen to me
'Cause, "L" is such a lovely letter
For words like Lady caine and lace
The lines lights up your face
So why not la, la, la, la, laaaaaaaaaaaaah...

Steve: La, la, la, la, laaaaaaah...

Both: ...with me!

[Fading...]
La, la, la, la, lines
La, la, la, la, Love affair
La, la, la, la, Lady snow
La, la, la, la, Line cocaine

Olé: The Bored Matador

Bullfighting is a deranged, gratuitously cruel blood sport, but the craziest label is reserved for those who take part in the running of the bulls.

Skittering down a narrow cobblestone street, pursued by a dozen 2,000-pound angry beasts, you pretty much deserve what you get. And this year the bulls are up 13-0, trampling multiple people who don't have the sense to get out of the way. Nobody has been killed so far — the bulls won't be so lucky.

But what caught my attention while putting together a gallery for work was the bored dude leaning against the wall having a smoke as bulls toss runners left and right. His ennui is preternatural.

Adventures in Reporting

Global Toronto reporter Rob Leth gets nailed by a toboggan while filming a segment, but still manages to finish his report. Points off for not sticking the landing though. This hill is just a few blocks from my house, and is covered in ice.


Reporter Owned By Sled - Watch more free videos

Plastic Fantastic

Lest anyone think I was being cruel comparing Tina Turner to Little Richard during last night's Grammy Awards, I present to you the results of countless hours of plastic surgery and a combined age of 143. I suspect that Little Richard can no longer close his eyes. The horror.

Get The Lead Out

They better start looking for the world's biggest eraser. The world's largest pencil, a 22,000-pound, 76-foot-long version of the classic No. 2., is now at the City Museum in St. Louis.

The core is made of 4,000 pounds of graphite (pencils never actually containing real lead) and was made by Ashrita Furman, a 53-year-old health food store manager from New York for his meditation teacher. Perhaps he had to meditate on why his student was so strange.

"Meditation has given me the inner strength to do these improbable things," Furman told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. "True, a lot of what I do is crazy, but it gives me a chance to spread the message of meditation."

The monstrous writing implement will tower over the previous record holder, a 65-foot version that stands outside pencil manufacturer Faber-Castell's Malaysian headquarters.

The pencil is not Furman's first run at the record book. He claims to have set 181 Guinness Records and to currently hold 74 including the world record for world records and the fastest time up Toronto's CN Tower on a pogo stick.

(Originally posted on Posted)

DUI Charges as Lost Spoilers

Lost isn't back on the air until next February and already we know who's going to get killed off. Jin-Soo Kwon will be biting the dust after being the latest cast member to be arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving.

Daniel Dae Kim, who plays the reluctant Korean enforcer, was pulled over by Honolulu police and charged, following in the illustrious footsteps of his former cast-mates Michelle Rodriguez (Anna Lucia) and (Cynthia Watros Libby.)

After being busted for their own DUIs in 2005, both Anna Lucia and Libby were shot. Eko, played by Adewale Akinnuoye Agbaje, was also killed off following a traffic run-in with the Hawaii 5-0. Various reasons were given for their leaving the show, but a pattern is emerging.

With a huge cast and new characters constantly being added, it's easy for producers to knock off an actor causing trouble. I'd think it would be cheaper to hire them all drivers and let them get blitzed all they like than firing them - even I can afford a cab after I've been out boozing.

But if this trend is going to continue, could someone please give Matthew Fox a case of liquor and a set of car keys? I can't take another season of Jack's smugness.

Free At Last!

Were there any lingering doubts that celebrities get treated differently by the justice system, one only need to look at Paris Hilton’s release into house arrest after serving a gruelling three days of her 23-day sentence.

Paris will now serve out the rest of her time, confined to the oppressive confirms of her Hollywood mansion, suffering through the indignity of getting a tan line from her electronic monitoring bracelet while she lounges by the pool.

Originally sentenced to 45 days for violating her probation for driving on a suspended license following a booze-related driving conviction, it was reduced to 23 days on the assumption she would play nice in jail. Her “reassignment” on Thursday morning was predicated on a heretofore undisclosed medical condition that had somehow gone unnoticed during the unrelenting coverage of the minutia of her life.

TMZ, which I secretly believe has Paris under contract, is reporting that the condition was psychological and that her mental state was fragile, putting the socialite at risk of a nervous breakdown. No kidding. Cowboy up there, Paris, haven’t you ever heard the phrase “do the time, don't let the time do you?” But it appears that the walls of the prison could not withstand the assault of her lawyers, psychiatrists and PR folk and our favourite jailbird was sprung. She really should have been placed in The Phantom Zone.

"She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better and hopefully, in my opinion, to change the attitudes that exist about her among many people," said Paris’ lawyer, Richard A. Hutton, following a visit after her first night in the slammer. That reflection will now be so much deeper while surrounded by opulent luxury instead of the dreg of society.

Clearly drinking and driving and parole violations are no big deal anymore, at least in Hollywood. I suppose it should be no surprise that our modern-day royalty is treated differently and that her sentence was less about teaching Paris a lesson than satisfying the enormous amount of schadenfreude directed at the 26-year-old celebutard. I look forward to the next episode.