Very Useful Celebrities

It's push for Ice Cube, not Cubes. You only need the one.

Tom Hanks is a millionaire, but he still really appreciates it when you throw out your trash.

When you switch your light from On to Hoff, it only gets brighter.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Throw Them At My Hoff Clone
Tom Hanks: Corporate Shill
Celebrities Of The Living Dead

A Tale of Two Toms

Is any publicity really good publicity? We’ll soon find out.

Next month two of Hollywood’s biggest stars will both be hitting the big screens within a couple of weeks of each other, making the opening of blockbuster season.

Tom Cruise fires the first volley with Mission: Impossible III, his first film since last year’s War of the Worlds. Of course, he hasn’t been exactly out the public eye. Couch vaulting, capturing and impregnating Katie Holmes and expounding on his sci-fi based Scientology cult, it’s been hard to avoid him. So much so that when I saw the trailer I didn’t see Ethan Hunt, I saw crazy Tom. A public persona can take a while to wear away, but he’s done quite a job on his over the past 10 months.

By the way, the freaky pair has finally spawned, their TomKitten popping out Tuesday afternoon, a girl named Suri. I’d say that was a digression, but all of the articles do make mention of Cruise’s upcoming film. Moving on…

Next up is Tom Hanks with The Da Vinci Code, the cinematic version of one of the biggest selling books in years. In this case it’s been the source material in the public eye, with a recent trial finding that Dan Brown’s book wasn’t plagiarism. As Hanks lay low, publicity for the film was high. I saw that trailer the same night as MI3 and was intrigued.

Cruise always has (and continues to) garner more press than Hanks even though I would argue they are equals. Over his past six films Cruise’s average box office has been $148 million while Hanks average has been $132 million. Hanks has two Oscars and five nominations, while Cruise has received three nods, but no wins so far. Both command $25 million or more a picture.

So it’s time for the showdown – winner wears the crown of King of Hollywood. My money is on Hanks.

Tom Hanks: Corporate Shill

For years actors A-list actors resisted appearing in commercials. Anyone who wanted to make some extra money would jet off to Japan where they could pitch jeans, booze, pachinko and whatnot without looking like a sell-out. ‘Cause Hollywood film-making is otherwise a hotbed of integrity.

This has been changing over the past couple of years. Named actors are still avoiding the camera, but they are flocking to ad agencies to do voice over work. I know this because Kiefer Sutherland seems very insistent that I own both a Ford and an Intel chip Mac.

Which brings us to Tom Hanks. He doesn’t do commercials, he’s all about branding opportunities – which is where the real money is. I just caught a bit of You’ve Got Mail on TV over the weekend (I was channel surfing) and even 10 minutes worth reminded me how much it was an ad for AOL. And course there was Cast Away, which I mostly remember as being about an obsessive FedEx employee.

Now he’s turning his thespian skills to a little coffee startup in Starbucks Saved My Life. Hanks will play a former ad exec who lost his job and wife and ended up working at Starbucks. Life lessons are, um, learnt. Wow, when Tom shills, he shills.

Makes me think he’s being doing this all along and I’ve just never noticed. Let’s see… Forest Gump was about pushing chocolates; The Da Vinci Code = more copies of the book; Toy Story – duh, toys; The Man With One Red Shoe, um, pairs of shoes. Ok, I’m stretching now. Feel free to leave your own Tom Hanks Shill-o-Matic suggestions.