Oh Lego, Has It Really Comes To This?

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of Lego Minifigures the company has released a series of celebrity Lego minifigs, including such luminaries as Amy Winehouse, Brangelina, Madonna and the Beckhams (see below).

I was going to go into a rant about how sad it was to see Lego feeling the need to jump on the celebrity bandwagon and associate its bricks with some of the tabloids most popular denizens, but I'm beginning to doubt the veracity of these figures.

I don't doubt they exist, but I'm having trouble believing they are from Lego. I think someone has done a fabulous job and leaked them to the entertainment press that eats all things celebrity. In an effort to track down the original source I spent way too much time scouring the web and following links to find the original story or press release, but to no avail. All I came across was a checklist of all the news "sources" I used to use during my stint as a celebrity news writer. British tabloids and sites that all use the same, unattributed information.

Anyway, it was the 30th anniversary of the figures last month, so that much is true. And of anyone can find out who really created these, I'd love to find out. Even if it really was Lego. Until then, let's hope it really was just a celebrity-induced nightmare.

Gossip 'R' Us

"These are the people who saw an overcrowded marketplace and said, 'Me too!'"

Super blogger Tina Mockmore, formerly of Glitterati Gossip, now of Hollywood Offender has started up Gossip Blog Girl to help anyone who wants to join the cutthroat world of celebrity blogging.

Or, as she more eloquently puts it, "helping others avoid the pitfalls of gossip blogging, to aid in sifting through the sludge, to answer questions, spark ideas and have a place to recharge their batteries." I know I could have used that when I fell off the web this summer.

Tina asked me to answer a few questions about choosing a name for a blog and I was honoured to participate, especially as asked the creators of Pretty on the Outside, Cele|bitchty and Holy Candy. Heady company for such a slack updater as myself. Thanks Tina, I hope I was of some help.

DUI Charges as Lost Spoilers

Lost isn't back on the air until next February and already we know who's going to get killed off. Jin-Soo Kwon will be biting the dust after being the latest cast member to be arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving.

Daniel Dae Kim, who plays the reluctant Korean enforcer, was pulled over by Honolulu police and charged, following in the illustrious footsteps of his former cast-mates Michelle Rodriguez (Anna Lucia) and (Cynthia Watros Libby.)

After being busted for their own DUIs in 2005, both Anna Lucia and Libby were shot. Eko, played by Adewale Akinnuoye Agbaje, was also killed off following a traffic run-in with the Hawaii 5-0. Various reasons were given for their leaving the show, but a pattern is emerging.

With a huge cast and new characters constantly being added, it's easy for producers to knock off an actor causing trouble. I'd think it would be cheaper to hire them all drivers and let them get blitzed all they like than firing them - even I can afford a cab after I've been out boozing.

But if this trend is going to continue, could someone please give Matthew Fox a case of liquor and a set of car keys? I can't take another season of Jack's smugness.

Deep Thought

Pop culture, thinking and blogging, are they mutually exclusive? Well I don’t purport to be doing Mensa work here I do hope I’ve added a little to the conversation. So I was pleased to be recognized by a fellow pop culture aficionado, Matt over at Culture Kills, for a Thinking Blogger Award. It’s mostly a meme where you say nice things about other people, but that doesn’t mean I won’t put it on my resume along with my Time Person of the Year cover.

So now it’s my turn to share the love and I figured I would highlight five bloggers who think a little bit more about pop culture than your average episode of Entertainment Tonight.


Nik at Nite
Nik is the only one of my nominees that I know and I’ve always respected her opinions on movies and TV and even though I may resist at first she’s usually right. Except about The Office being funny, of course. Turn to her for great recaps of Lost, Heroes and what ever else she is watching between writing books about them.

Dead Things ON Sticks
Denis also writes about TV, but from an insider perspective. I read him when I want to find out what really happened anytime I see TV stories in traditional media, especially in Canada.

The Gilded Moose
The Moose takes the inanity of celebrity obsessions and taunts it into submission. Makes the whole thing bearable, really. I especially love the breathless coverage of Jake Gyllenhaal.

What Would Tyler Durden Do
For those that believe that the Moose if too kind to celebs, there is Tyler Durden. Harsh, caustic and often laugh out loud funny, Durden is as mean as I want to be but don’t have the heart to be.

Gallery of the Absurd
14 takes all of the above obsessions and turns them into illustrations that cut to the heart of the celebrity condition. Her pictures are worth a thousand gossip posts.

The rules of the award:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme

3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

The Last Days of Gossip

Those of you who believe that dolphins are a kinder, more gentle species than humans and not just the second most intelligent beings on the planet (after mice) are in for a shock. They gossip.

Yes, much like celebrity blogs and tabloids, dolphins appear to enjoy talking about other dolphins behind their backs, according to Scottish research. “We know this because we know their names. Each bottlenose individual identifies itself by a unique pattern of whistles and clicks along the lines of woo-woo-wee-wee, or even woo-wee-woo-woo-wee-woo. What was not known until the Scottish research, however, is that a pair of dolphins use the name of a third dolphin when that third dolphin isn't present. In other words, dolphins gossip.”

Take that those of you who look down your nose at people who enjoy reading about the trails and tribulations of celebs. All higher beings enjoy a little schadenfreude.

So is it ingrained? Are people going to gossip no matter what? Bruno Maddox suggests in the latest Discover magazine (even they discuss gossip!) that if anything the web is making gossip even faster, shortening its shelf life, leading to a world without secrets. I’ve seen it happen already. I had two guest bloggers last week. On Monday one wrote about the travails about the King of Malibu and by Thursday another was crying enough with Mad Mel. How’s that for turnaround?

When we all know everything, will there still be a reason to talk about others? Of course we will. When the little kid yelled that the emperor had no clothes, he was just participating in a treasured tradition – mocking our social betters. And that never gets tired.

Madness and Mel

Jer is back at his cottage - lucky bastard - and tagged me to step in for a post. Why me - a 'finance guy' with occasional dabblings in sports? No clue. But here goes...
One can't flip through a newspaper, turn on a TV or surf the net without somehow tuning into the Mel Gibson arrest. Apparently 'mad Mel' - who has a history of alcohol abuse and even got pinched for a DUI while filming a movie in Toronto almost 20 years ago - got drunk, hopped into his car, was pulled over by police, and made an ass of himself while being arrested. End of story, right? Wrong.
Like your worst hangover fears come to life, Mel woke up the next day - presumably after being released from the drunk tank - to discover news of the arrest had leaked out over the wires, making his bad day so much worse. Word then started to leak about his anti-Semitic remarks - as well as degrading comments he made to a female arresting officer. Could it get any worse? Yes.
The media was over this like a fat kid on chocolate. This was their oasis in the desert. What they'd been waiting for all summer.. "Mel is through," many rejoiced. Others simply said his career was merely on life-support.
Maybe so - but who cares? I've been shaking my head since the story broke stunned at the vitriol - the unadulterated passion - with which people have been attacking the guy. I'm not about to defend what he said - how could one defend the indefensible anyway? But the glee with which bloggers - Perez Hilton comes to mind - have been sharpening their knives is frightening.
Why?
Wanting to take the high road - I thought maybe they focused on the anti-Semitic remarks as a means of somehow digesting what was happening in the Middle East. Understandable. But somehow I think this misses the mark. The online media also attacks phenomenon like 'Starzilla', 'TomKat' and Britney with similar zeal.
Mel might be guilty of hatred. But couldn't the same be said of others?
I for one am tuning out.

Mel & Lindsay: Teflon or Toast?

When Popped Culture first asked me to be one of his guest editors this week, I was thrilled. (Actually, I was jealous. How come he gets to spend another week lounging around at the cottage while I'm stuck here in Smog City? Lazy bastard!) But then – after I stopped fantasizing about hiding an mp3 player that looped Jessica Simpson's "A Public Affair" under his hammock – I began to appreciate the opportunity. Finally, a chance to step away from my own celebrity-obsessed blog (which, don't get me wrong, I adore – but there's only so much a gal can say about Paris Hilton nipple slips) and write about groundbreaking, important entertainment trends. Is YouTube killing the traditional broadcast network model? Is the hype around Miami Vice and Snakes on a Plane proof that movie critics no longer matter? Which of the TV pilots that I've been lucky enough to screen are worth watching this fall?

Alas, it's not to be. Despite my initial protests, I'm going to have to follow my gut and lay a big ol' slab of celebrity gossip on ya. (It's my gift - it's my curse.) I mean, what kind of guest editor would I be if I failed to address the two biggest stories of the day – Mel Gibson's DUI arrest and Lindsay Lohan's public scolding?

We all know the details by now. Gibson got pulled over by the cops last week and reportedly proceeded to resist arrest, complain that his life is "f*cked up," refer to a female police officer as "sugar t*ts," make unbelievably anti-Semitic comments, threaten the arresting officer, warn that he was going to urinate on the floor of his jail cell, refuse to sign the necessary paperwork, and attempt to break a telephone. (Whew! Finger cramp!)

As for La-Lohan, a movie executive finally called her out for being "discourteous, irresponsible and unprofessional" on the set of her new flick, where she was too sick to work but well enough to party every night.

The big question that's on everybody's lips today: have these two megastars just committed career suicide? The answer: hells no!

When it comes to Lindsay, producers already know what they're getting themselves into when they offer her roles. They're not signing her because she has immense Oscar-calibre talent, a stellar work ethic, or a misstep-free resume. They're signing her because she's Lindsay freakin' Lohan! A vapid stick insect of a girl who is guaranteed to be in the press every single day which, good or bad, keeps their movie in the press every single day. I mean, had anyone even heard of Georgia Rules before this? Even the nasty letter-writing producer seems to have softened his stance towards our beloved Firecrotch today.

As for dear old Melly Mel, that's a little more complex. He'll inevitably come out of this smelling like Vatican-grown roses, but Hollywood has to keep up this horrified, outraged pretense for a while longer. So the Anti-Defamation League will continue to issue "Gibson Made Jesus Cry" statements, ABC will pretend to back away from his Holocaust project, and execs behind his upcoming Apocalypto flick will hold off on the publicity push until the backlash dies down. And it will die down. Because, let's face it, Gibson's arrest didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. Oh my god, Mel's crazy! Holy crap, he treats women like shit! Dear lord, he's anti-Semitic! Pul-eeze. Anyone who caught a little flick called The Passion of the Christ could have told you that.

So Mel and Linds, like countless other celebrities before them, will continue to act like complete and total assholes, and we the consumers will continue to forgive and support them. They're Teflon, baby. The scandal stink just don't stick.

-webgrrl

Hollywood Economics

Skin commands a lot of money, more so if you are famous. I know, I’m hardly breaking news here, but there have been a couple of stories recently that shows what a pound of flesh is worth.

A few weeks ago, People magazine shelled out $4.1 million for pictures of the chosen one, Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie, setting the bar for Baby’s First Invasion of Privacy.

It appears $4 million is the going rate to see Ashlee Simpson as naked as the day she was born. In Touch Weekly says Playboy has offered the lip-syncher seven figures, under the assumption more people would prefer to look at her breasts than hear her sing.

"Ashlee figures she's never looked better, so this may be the perfect time to do it,” an insider told the magazine. "She feels confident and sexy and thinks this is one way for her to separate her image from (sister) Jessica's."

Yeah, getting everyone to stare at her body would really help define her differently than Jessica. Sadly, Ashlee has decided her body is not for sale, at least at that price anyway.

Which is, essentially, why we haven’t seen any pictures of Suri Cruise gracing the newsstand. The gossip magazine were only willing to pony up a measly $3 mill for Scientology’s latest poster child, and Tom and Katie (ok, Tom and his handlers) balked, refusing to sell out their kid for less than Brad and Angie got.

Which means Britney should expect a month’s supply of Cheeetos when she pops out her second born.

For the Love of Money

Remember Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes? They were the Hollywood couple that had a baby before Shiloh Jolie-Pitt became the next stage in human evolution.

Anyway, it turns out that they are still around and spreading the love cash around. Anyone who somehow still believes that they have been pin cushioned by Cupid’s arrows need only look at the mega-buck prenuptial agreement they have signed.

Cruise is reportedly offering Holmes $3 million for each year she maintains the façade of marriage, for up to $33 million. If she makes it through eleven years of Scientology brainwashing she will be eligible to take Maverick for half his fortune, estimated to be around more money than you’ll ever see in your lifetime.

Now isn’t that what love is all about, getting everything that you can and than hitting the road? She might as well, her film career wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t see what Cruise is getting out of it though, everybody already thinks he’s crazy.

May their love last until death, or $33 million, do they part.

(TomRat Family Portrait from Gallery of the Absurd. Seriously, she's really that good.)

Go$$ip

The gossip wars have taken an interesting turn with the arrival of Brangelina’s baby Shiloh. Anyone who doesn’t think there’s serious money (and ego) at stake need only look at the battle raging over the first photos that hit the web. Reported Page Six yesterday:

BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie got top dollar for the first pictures of baby Shiloh - but they made the weekly celeb glossies work for it. All the weekly magazine editors were summoned to the offices of the Getty photo agency at Canal and Varick late Saturday night. "We were sequestered into separate and un-air-conditioned offices," said one. "The photos were shown to us around 10 p.m. to midnight, and then we had to submit bids by 6 a.m. Sunday morning. No one got any sleep at all, as it was a manic game of phone-tag to top each other's bids. I'm convinced it was Brangie's revenge on the weekly magazines." The pictures went to People for $4.1 million.

But then the cover photo from Hello! was leaked and showed up all over the place. Everyone jumped on and it appears the celeb mags have freaked. Cease and desist letters have landed on the big gossip blogs Perez Hilton and Pink Is the New Blog and likely others, who have pulled the pic from their sites, at least temporarily. I even saw Perez’s version on Toronto’s CTV local newscast last night, complete with his scrawl on the picture. Those lawyers are going to be busy as you can easily find the photo even on the first page of Google images.

What this really shows is that these magazines are worried about their online gossip competitors. They should be – the sites are updated throughout the day and there are no publishing delays. Expect this fight to get nasty

As for me, I’m just illustrating the battle, not cashing in on the photos. Lawyers can send their complaints to the above email.

‘Roid Rage

• Following up on a couple of topics I’ve hit recently, my favourite still has to be Lost hard-ass Michelle Rodriguez. The pugilistic Rodriguez, who was arrested for drinking and driving last December, chose five days in the slammer over community service and has already served her time. When she was pulled over she yelled at the cops, at one point telling them” “Why don’t you just put a gun to my head and shoot me! You’ve already taken my freedom! You might as well take my life too!”

At her sentencing she blamed her behaviour on steroid injections she had been taking to treat allergies to dust and cockroach resin that made her manic. She also claimed to have learned all her driving skills at a car-racing school that she attended for a role. She must have impressed the casting director as much as the police as I don’t see anyone driving roles for her on IMDB. I wonder if she learnt her drunken belligerence for a role as well?

Anyway, word is Anna Lucia isn’t long for the island anyways, with rumours that her character’s grave has been spotted on the set.

• Sticking with Lost, creator J.J. Abrams has taken exception to rumours of his producing and directing the next Star Trek film, but didn’t really deny them.

"The whole thing was reported entirely without our cooperation," Abrams told Empire magazine. "People learned that I was producing a Star Trek film, that I had an option to direct it, they hear rumors of what the thing was going to be and ran with a story that is not entirely accurate." So will it be about a young Kirk and Spock? He wouldn’t say. With the kind of obsessive fans Lost has attracted and the legion of Trekkies in the world, how could Abrams not have expected the interest?

• Why is it that when US Weekly reports that Britney Spears is pregnant with her second child it is taken as truth, but when the multitude of gossip sites who had been speculating on her size for over a month claimed it, that was just a rumour? Just askin’.

Brangelina's Pay for Play

A couple of days ago I was feeling sympathy for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. They had gone to Namibia to hole up in a luxury resort to get away from the paparazzi trying to snap some candids of them and their yet-to-be-born baby and were feeling under siege.

"As for the press, we kindly ask for privacy so that we can enjoy this beautiful country with our children,” the couple pleaded in a joint statement. The Namibian Prime Minister Nahas Angula defended them, saying they should be left alone.

"This lady is expecting. You guys are harassing her. Why don't you allow her some privacy? If a person says they don't want to be photographed then, of course, that person deserves protection."

I felt for them. Leave them alone, I thought, they aren’t playing the publicity game, they are just trying to have some privacy. Oh what a sucker I am. Seems they don’t mind a little coverage, as long as it is under their own terms.

On Wednesday's Today show, correspondent Ann Curry described her trip to Namibia, where she exclusively interviewed Jolie, as "wonderful." (Thanks to Celebrity Nation for the pic.) The segment will air on Thursday’s Today and Sunday’s Dateline, where Jolie will explain that the public's interest causes her to "giggle.” Ahh, ain’t that sweet.

Meanwhile Namibia’s Ministry of Information is requiring any journalist visiting to cover the Pitt-Jolie stay "will have to be accompanied by proof of consent that the couple had agreed to meet with them,” one photographer was pepper sprayed by a security guard and there is a no-fly-zone over the resort. As well there are reports that Jolie has sold exclusive rights for the first pictures of the baby to People, which would in turn donate $3.5 million to UNICEF.

And there goes my sympathy.

Page Six Six Six

If you pay any attention to celebrities, you know of the New York Post’s Page Six. The powerful gossip page is so ubiquitous that even if you’ve never read it, you’ve seen pieces its reporters have written repeated all over the media.

Page Six is a fixture in the modern day obsession with the rich and famous, holding it’s own against glossy magazines and the rise of the gossip blogs. Celebrities are lauded and (more often) pillaged, where they were and with whom splashed across acres of newsprint. Those who indulge in the salacious articles enter a world of beautiful people they can only dream about and smirk at when they fall.

The Globe and Mail’s Simon Houpt refers to gossip journalism as “a sort of contemporary mythology using celebrities in the place of ancient gods, a series of morality plays that get to the deeper truth of our society.” The Greek gods were always very human even as they lived upon high on Olympus. They could be jealous, stupid and petty, but they were always, to use a modern term, glamorous. The gods reflected the best and worst of those that created them, the same role that is now performed by celebs.

And now it appears that one of our modern myth-makers was more interested in myth than truth. Page Six staffer Jared Paul Stern has been accused of trying to shake down billionaire investor Ron Burkle for $220,000 in return for a year's "protection" against false items in the gossip page. “In two secretly videotaped face-to-face meetings with Burkle last month, Stern outlined how ‘levels of Protection’ for subjects of Page Six coverage could be bought,” reported the Daily News.

The revelations have opened up a window into how gossip columnists operate. Publicists trying to get clients some ink and dishing the dirt to keep others out of the spotlight. Subjects became sources, all but guaranteeing themselves, if not favourable, at least lighter treatment. Freebies abound, from trips and hotels and other gifts, but in asking for money (and being filmed doing so) Stern went too far.

In true gossip fashion, Stern, who has been suspended, claims that he was set up and that Burkle approached him about payment for positive press. Who knows where the truth lies and it may not matter – it rarely does on the gossip pages.

Just the Facts?

Celebrity culture is driving me crazy -- more specifically, the media’s treatment of celebs. Bear with me here as I appear to bite the blog that feeds me.

What is driving me crazy is how “facts” are repeated down the chain, with very little or no verification. I’ll give you an example. I read a copy of Metro today (a daily Toronto commuter paper) and came across a story about Lindsay Lohan dating Leonardo DiCaprio, according to Ananova.com, which was reporting a story in New! Magazine.

I also found out that a pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow may have eaten raw fish, reported by imdb.com, again picked up by Metro. Now I can admit to reading celeb gossip, but I hate seeing it passed along second and third hand in newspapers and magazines. I’m not picking on Metro, everyone does it.

Before I continue on my rant, I have to come clean. I have written pieces like the ones that I am complaining about, I’ve been paid for them and will likely do it again. I’m a hypocrite, but it doesn’t mean I like it.

So what’s my point? People want to read about the stars and they are going to be written about, but I’m tired of seeing the same things being repeated ad nauseum, especially all over the web. I saw today that Tom Cruise is putting off his wedding to Katie Holmes until the summer. I saw it over 200 times on Google News and I’m fairly certain there wasn’t a press conference.

Maybe if we stuck with original source reporting/gossiping it would help keep celebrity obsession in check, or at least improve the discourse a little. Mind you, I don't mind it when bloggers pass along this info

Which brings me to Gawker Stalker. The media/celebrity/gossip site has begun mapping readers celebrity sightings on a Google map of New York in real time. So there we have it, celebrity reporting straight from the mouths and eyes of fans. Of course it’s also more than a little bit obsessive.

George Clooney agrees and is trying to foil the site by flooding it with fake sightings.

"There is a simple way to render these guys useless. Flood their Web site with bogus sightings. Get your clients to get 10 friends to text in fake sightings of any number of stars. A couple hundred conflicting sightings and this Web site is worthless. No need to try to create new laws to restrict free speech. Just make them useless. That's the fun of it. And then sit back and enjoy the ride."

Oddly enough, Clooney is the most reasonable sounding one – and he is the one subjected to all the coverage. Bizarre. I suppose I just don’t understand the interest in celebrities, but I’ll keep trying.

The Art of Celebrity

Improbably, Britney Spears has become a symbol of the pro-life movement, at least in the eyes of one artist. Next week Daniel Edwards’ life-size sculpture of the pop princess in labour – Monument To Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston – will go on display in New York.

“When I saw an image of her, I thought she was quite a beautiful pregnant woman," said Edwards, who is fascinated that she interrupted her career to have a child. The fact that he portrays her in a fashion more suitable for conceiving than bearing children appears to belie his sincerity, but he says the all-fours position is reminiscent of her sex-kitten stage shows.

"Pro-lifers normally promote bloody images of abortion. This is the image of birth. Everyone is coming at me with anger and venom, but I depicted her as she has depicted herself – seductively. Suddenly, she's a mom." Not surprisingly, the pro-life movement isn’t exactly thrilled to have the pop tart as a spokestatue.

"It's a farce to suggest that this is pro-life,” John-Henry Westen, editor of LifeSiteNews.com, a conservative family values group told the National Post. “You get unwanted babies through the type of promiscuous sex celebrities like Britney Spears portray through their acts."

It’s what fascinates me about celebrity – how people lay their own concepts and ideals on them. Let’s be serious folks, Britney is just a nouveau-riche piece of white trash who has been in the spotlight so long that she has no sense of reality.

Not that I’m projecting on her…

Off the Wall

It’s ‘Pile On Michael Jackson Week’ and nobody told me.

Today the state of California shut down Nevererland the scene of the crime because the insurance policy for the 69 employees of the ranch had lapsed. Nicely done Jacko – I’m sure no new lawsuits will surface now that you have dozens of bitter, out-of-work former employees out for revenge.

On Tuesday Jermaine Jackson told Larry King that his brother was working on his six pack by doing 300 push-ups a day. "He's gained weight, is running on the beach and getting those muscles back." If that isn't Jermaine making fun of Michael, I don’t know what is.

Of course that was nothing when compared to what Jermaine said about his younger sibling for a book proposal back in 2003, which surfaced this week. I suspect the two won’t be talking anytime soon:

“My brother is a superstar, yes. My brother is wealthy. He owns shares in Sony music. He drinks, he does drugs, he lies, he cheats, he changed his skin color and mostly, he’s human. He attracts gay men and wards off women like the plague.”

“My brother purchased children. It is like a sanctioned black market. He is very powerful; he picked the sperm donor by using information provided by a sperm bank. Now, who can do that? Michael Jackson, that’s who, my brother.”

Jermaine also expressed concerns that the King of Pop "had a thing for young children" and might be guilty of child molestation. Wow, that's some brotherly love.

Best stay in Bahrain, Michael.

Trailer Trash Orgy

I was resisting talking about the Scott Stapp/Kid Rock sex tape, mostly because it’s really not the kind of imagery I want in my noggin.

But they are making it waaaay to easy.

First off we’ve got Stapp, the former lead singer God’s own grunge band Creed, claiming that someone is out to destroy him. Somehow the tape that he made and himself and Kid Rock entertaining some female fans (otherwise know as strippers) made it into the hands of a nasty internet porn dealer.

"Obviously, someone wants to hurt me, and doesn't want me to be successful in my solo career," Stapp told AP Radio, who says the taped romp was stolen from him. "I should have burned that tape."

What kind of person do you need to be to let that get away from you? "[Stapp] is the idiot because it's out," said Kid Rock to AP, stating what everyone was thinking. "I'm holding him responsible." Rock has also had his lawyers block the release, in case you were hoping to see it.

Mostly it’s just celebs doing the stupid things they do – like the way starlets can’t keep their tops on while traversing red carpets. But then Rock added something that rang true: :What perfect timing. I got a record coming up ... Maybe I should thank him."

And there we have it. It’s the public relations strategy of choice: self-promotion through self-humiliation.

Reality: Stranger Than You Think

There is strange goings on in the world of the famous and wannabe famous. First off there is Richard Hatch. Remember him? He was the first winner of Survivor, the openly-gay, openly-naked, overweight Machiavellian who gleefully manipulated his way to the million-dollar win. He’s currently in court, fighting charges that he evaded paying taxes on said win.

Don’t count him out yet. In a development worthy of a Survivor twist, Hatch’s lawyer is now alleging that the show agreed to pay his tax hit:

The bargain purportedly came about after Hatch allegedly caught some of his fellow contestants cheating by having friends sneak food to them on the island. He told producers, who ultimately attempted to buy his silence, reports E! Online.

I love this guy! He’s always a step ahead of everyone. Some contestants are denying this could have ever happened while other nameless sources say everyone knew this was happening. Personally, I hope it’s true. It’s about time the curtain was pulled back so we can see the inner workings of the Survivor machine.

Speaking of the courts, Colin Farrell is finding out the hard way why making homemade porn isn’t always as good of an idea as it sounds. The scruffy star is battling his Playboy Playmate ex-girlfriend Nicole Narin in court, to block her from selling the 14-minute explicit romp online.

Farrell has admitted making the tape three years ago for personal viewing and got an injunction to keep it from being released. Despite that, footage from their frolic surfaced online earlier this week at DirtyColin.com, while Jossip and IDontLikeYouThatWay and probably some other blogs posted images from the tape. Farrell’s lawyer has added the offending (and very funny) sites to the list of defendants in the lawsuit and forced them to remove the screen grabs.

I snagged one of the pics back before they got, um, yanked, but seeing as Farrell’s lawyer seems so litigious I think I’ll pass.

Guess Who's all Wet?

Some pistol-packing paparazzi soaked stars Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams at the Australian red carpet premiere of Brokeback Mountain over the weekend. Seems like Heath has pissed off some of the camera jockeys by spitting at them at some previous event, and they were out for revenge.

"It's true that he's misbehaved for the past 18 months but he won't do it again in a hurry," said photographer Peter Carrette. "...I hope that Heath learns some manners out of it and that he will learn that in this profession it's a two-way street."

While Ledger didn't respond he may be pressing charges and the studio says the cameraman will never get accreditation again. Responds the man with the license to spray: "I put out [photographs] to 56 countries of the world and if they don't need that sort of publicity ... they're cutting off their noses to spite their face."

Which raises an interesting relationship -- the unspoken one between the paparazzi, the tabloids and celebrities. They need each other, feed off each other and wouldn't exist without each other. Sure celebrities complain about their presence and talk about how their privacy gets invaded, but without them they would disappear between films, and the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

It is a two-way street. Stars (and their handlers) want red carpet photographs, they want to be fawned over during press junkets and so they complain, but not too much. And they release personal details as payment. Why else would Brad and Angelina and now Gwyneth announce pregnancies, would Eminem's publicist confirm that he got married over the weekend?

Celebs don't have to talk about this stuff. They don't have to confirm or deny or say anything. The tabs will suss it out on their own and some would say they write whatever they want. So why do they do it? Because they want to. It's easy to forget the paparazzi and celebrities work in the same business -- one just makes a little bit more.

Did So. Did Not. Did So...

Let me assure you, I'm not obsessed with Lindsay Lohan. I've not seen any of her movies, nor her TV shows or heard any of her music. Despite that, it has been nearly impossible to avoid all reference to her, especially in the celeb pages, which have spread far beyond the gossip columns.

So when she was hospitalized for an alleged asthma attack, I knew we had the start of something, and it just keeps getting better. She is now denying parts of the Vanity Fair profile that probably seemed like such a good idea at the time, in particular that she ever had an eating disorder.

"The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done... Aside from [the writer's] lies and changing of my words, I am blessed to have this job and wonderful family that I do."

Lohan turned to the more celebrity-sympathetic Teen People with her tale of being hard done by, emailing the mag her statement. Her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, followed up, saying that Lohan does not have bulimia now, nor did she ever.

Well that settles that, right? Not a chance. Says E! Online:

"Evgenia Peretz is one of our most reliable reporters," the magazine said in a statement. "Every word Lindsay Lohan told her is on tape. Vanity Fair stands by the story."

It's on! Stay tuned...