Perez Hilton's Last Supper

"Just in time for Easter, pop artist Sham Ibrahim has completed his portrait of Perez Hilton, based on Leonardo da Vinci's the Last Supper. Perez is at the center of table as Jesus and seated at the table with him from left to right are: Joe Jonas, Lindsay Lohan, Zac Efron, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Madonna, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Spencer Pratt, and Heidi Montag. Headlines taken directly from Perez' website are written on the wall. For dinner, "fame" is being served and the stars are crowded around the table, gobbling it up." 

So Paris Hilton is Perez Hilton's Judas? I'd think of her more as his mother Mary, but I appreciate the connection. It's a perfect addition to the ever-growing pantheon of Last Supper parodies.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Suddenly Last Supper
Even More Last Suppers
Play Perez Hilton Off, Keyboard Cat!

Mean Disney Girls

Mean Disney Girls
Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Belle as The Plastics and Lindsay Lohan as Ariel? It's a note-perfect Disney mashup and, like Lindsay, Ariel is well aquatinted with crabs. (Link via Urlesque)

Previously on Popped Culture...
The Life Of A Disney Princess
Snow White & The Depressing Reality
Twisted Sisters

Oh Lindsay, You Nasty Skank

The superpowered sluts have returned, this time to battle crabs and Wilmer Valderrama, which to nobody's surprise turn out to be one and the same. It looks like Heavy.com is using the Superficial Friends as a draw to promote their YouTubeish video site by making it a weekly series. Content is king! To the Brittle Bones Machine!

Lindsay Fully Loaded

Lindsay Lohan may soon be one of the most remembered actors of her generation and not for her role in Bobby or any of the other projects she has lined up. The National Enquirer is reporting that Lohan overdosed on a deadly cocktail of cocaine and painkillers earlier this month and had to be revived by a doctor. The doctor then flushed the cocaine and bagged seven different prescription drugs, telling the star she needed to go to a hospital and rehab. She did neither.

Becoming a serious actor and being lauded for your performances is one way to Hollywood immortality. The other is to die young and pretty, a la Marilyn Monroe. Though maybe she’s just a wealthy, famous 20-year-old who’s having a little fun. You know, a shining example for your little girl (or boy, who am I to gender stereotype?) But she’s not trying to be a role model, right? Well, then maybe her people should reconsider the My Scene Goes Hollywood: Lindsay Lohan and Limo doll set, which is described thusly:

“A great gift for ages 6-12 Years. The doll captures the likeness of Lindsay Lohan, and the fun trendy outfit expresses Lindsay's fashion-forward sense of style. The My Scene Lindsay Lohan doll is ready to hit the red carpet with a full movie premiere outfit, faux fur-trimmed coat, director's chair, velvet-style rope and lots of fun movie-themed accessories. Movie stars always arrive in style, and this luxurious SUV party limo is decked out with glitz and glam from door to door, including working lights, a beverage bar, fancy seats and a real hot tub.”

Ah yes, every little kid needs an SUV with a bar in it. At least it is realistic and you can slam it into Barbie’s camper, much like the real Lindsay does. Personally, I’m hoping for a Peter Doherty doll with Real Shooting Up Action for Christmas. (And thanks to Bulletproof Bracelets, where I first came across this wonderful toy.)

The Superficial Friends

I always suspected there must be a reason that some celebrities are so famous. Many of them have fame far beyond their talent, so there must be something hidden from view. It turns out that some of our younger, thinner stars are actually superheroes. I knew it was something like that.

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins are dedicated to selfishness and social ignorance -- they are The Superficial Friends! Working from the Great Hall of Anorexia they are sent to battle Stephen Colbert, who’s jokes are so smart they are making people’s brains leak out of their ears. The president sends them to defeat him in the only way they know how. “Olson Twin powers, activate!”

Brought to you by Camp Chaos and brought to my attention by Bulletproof Bracelets. Fun!

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Mel & Lindsay: Teflon or Toast?

When Popped Culture first asked me to be one of his guest editors this week, I was thrilled. (Actually, I was jealous. How come he gets to spend another week lounging around at the cottage while I'm stuck here in Smog City? Lazy bastard!) But then – after I stopped fantasizing about hiding an mp3 player that looped Jessica Simpson's "A Public Affair" under his hammock – I began to appreciate the opportunity. Finally, a chance to step away from my own celebrity-obsessed blog (which, don't get me wrong, I adore – but there's only so much a gal can say about Paris Hilton nipple slips) and write about groundbreaking, important entertainment trends. Is YouTube killing the traditional broadcast network model? Is the hype around Miami Vice and Snakes on a Plane proof that movie critics no longer matter? Which of the TV pilots that I've been lucky enough to screen are worth watching this fall?

Alas, it's not to be. Despite my initial protests, I'm going to have to follow my gut and lay a big ol' slab of celebrity gossip on ya. (It's my gift - it's my curse.) I mean, what kind of guest editor would I be if I failed to address the two biggest stories of the day – Mel Gibson's DUI arrest and Lindsay Lohan's public scolding?

We all know the details by now. Gibson got pulled over by the cops last week and reportedly proceeded to resist arrest, complain that his life is "f*cked up," refer to a female police officer as "sugar t*ts," make unbelievably anti-Semitic comments, threaten the arresting officer, warn that he was going to urinate on the floor of his jail cell, refuse to sign the necessary paperwork, and attempt to break a telephone. (Whew! Finger cramp!)

As for La-Lohan, a movie executive finally called her out for being "discourteous, irresponsible and unprofessional" on the set of her new flick, where she was too sick to work but well enough to party every night.

The big question that's on everybody's lips today: have these two megastars just committed career suicide? The answer: hells no!

When it comes to Lindsay, producers already know what they're getting themselves into when they offer her roles. They're not signing her because she has immense Oscar-calibre talent, a stellar work ethic, or a misstep-free resume. They're signing her because she's Lindsay freakin' Lohan! A vapid stick insect of a girl who is guaranteed to be in the press every single day which, good or bad, keeps their movie in the press every single day. I mean, had anyone even heard of Georgia Rules before this? Even the nasty letter-writing producer seems to have softened his stance towards our beloved Firecrotch today.

As for dear old Melly Mel, that's a little more complex. He'll inevitably come out of this smelling like Vatican-grown roses, but Hollywood has to keep up this horrified, outraged pretense for a while longer. So the Anti-Defamation League will continue to issue "Gibson Made Jesus Cry" statements, ABC will pretend to back away from his Holocaust project, and execs behind his upcoming Apocalypto flick will hold off on the publicity push until the backlash dies down. And it will die down. Because, let's face it, Gibson's arrest didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. Oh my god, Mel's crazy! Holy crap, he treats women like shit! Dear lord, he's anti-Semitic! Pul-eeze. Anyone who caught a little flick called The Passion of the Christ could have told you that.

So Mel and Linds, like countless other celebrities before them, will continue to act like complete and total assholes, and we the consumers will continue to forgive and support them. They're Teflon, baby. The scandal stink just don't stick.

-webgrrl

I'm No Celebrity

File these under Ways In Which My Life is Unlike a Celebrity:

•Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s lawyers have registered ShilohJoliePitt.com as a gift to the happy couple, commemorating the birth of their little one. I could be wrong, but I don’t think my lawyers will do the same for me this October. Oh right, I don’t have lawyers or my own domain either. Celeb kids, is there anything they don’t have? (Pic from Gallery of the Absurd)

• Is releasing a video of you floating about a pool the best way to confirm your pregnancy? If you are Anna Nicole, then answer is yes. Whatever happened to keeping things to yourself and retaining some privacy and dignity? Oh right, silly question.

• I don’t go to the hypnotist to cure my $100,000 in a day shopping addiction, like Lindsay Lohan does. I’m more worried about why I keep clucking like a chicken, which started somewhere around the time when I first saw a hypnotist. Maybe they can convince me yo replace the shirts I bought in university.

Did So. Did Not. Did So...

Let me assure you, I'm not obsessed with Lindsay Lohan. I've not seen any of her movies, nor her TV shows or heard any of her music. Despite that, it has been nearly impossible to avoid all reference to her, especially in the celeb pages, which have spread far beyond the gossip columns.

So when she was hospitalized for an alleged asthma attack, I knew we had the start of something, and it just keeps getting better. She is now denying parts of the Vanity Fair profile that probably seemed like such a good idea at the time, in particular that she ever had an eating disorder.

"The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done... Aside from [the writer's] lies and changing of my words, I am blessed to have this job and wonderful family that I do."

Lohan turned to the more celebrity-sympathetic Teen People with her tale of being hard done by, emailing the mag her statement. Her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, followed up, saying that Lohan does not have bulimia now, nor did she ever.

Well that settles that, right? Not a chance. Says E! Online:

"Evgenia Peretz is one of our most reliable reporters," the magazine said in a statement. "Every word Lindsay Lohan told her is on tape. Vanity Fair stands by the story."

It's on! Stay tuned...

Gossip, Fully Loaded

Yesterday I suggested that it wouldn't be long before the rumour mill started grinding Lindsay Lohan's hospitalization apart. How right I was.

In an amazing coincidence, Vanity Fair is featuring the ingenue actress on their next cover and released the photo and the article today. Turns out Miss Lohan had a little taste for drugs and at one point not much of a taste for food. If I was the conspiratorial type, I would suggest that her collapse was somehow tied to selling more copies of the magazine and there was a financially agreeable arangement. But that would be absurd, wouldn't it?

Here's a wrap of what some other's (among the 500+ entries on Google news at this writing) had to say.

The New York Post: Lindsay Bares All in Shocker

Tinseltown teen queen Lindsay Lohan has finally 'fessed up to doing drugs — and becoming so bulimic that she couldn't stand the sight of her own skeletal figure.

Defamer continued to go after Linds:

America's Most Suspiciously Hospitalized Sweetheart makes some shocking—shocking!—revelations: she used drugs "a little," suffered from the much more PR-friendly bulimia last year during her much-photographedSNL's Lorne Michaels, no stranger to self-destructive talent, staged some sort of intervention after Lohan hosted his show former fighting weight. "skinny phase," and that dangerously underneath her

And one the most interesting tidbits came from an unusual source, Canada.com:

A source told canada.com that early Wednesday morning, a friend of Lohan was spotted returning to the hospital with a plastic shopping bag containing an EPT pregnancy test, Cocoa Puffs cereal, cans of Coke, mouthwash and playing cards. It is not known if the items are for Lohan.

Bless celebrity gossip.

The Truth and "The Truth"

Lindsay Lohan has been hospitalized.

Ok, what was your first thought? If you're reading this post, chances are you've heard more about Lohan than just her acting in films like Herbie and Mean Girls. Chances are you've read about her party-hearty ways with the rest of young Hollywood, led by their queen Paris Hilton.

Anytime a young actor or actress heads to a hospital it's often due to something loosely defined as exhaustion. Later it comes out it was for an eating disorder or rehab. That's not the case with Lohan, who was admitted to the hospital Monday night after experiencing breathing difficulties in her hotel room in Miami. But that thought runs through your head -- it's hard for it not to.

So far everybody seems to be playing this story straight, but I wonder when the speculation will begin... Ooop, just took a quick look and saw that it has begun, as Defamer sez:

It seems that this year, LohanÂ’s flacks have decided to go with an alphabetical progression of reasons why a starlet might reasonably be checked into a hospital and spared themselves some stress.

Well, that didn't last long, did it?