Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover

So many lessons from my hours in front of the TV this evening:

The Winner
The laugh track is still in use. The canned laughter on Rob Corddry’s new show about a 32-year-old virgin who lives with his parents was so overwhelming that it was almost hard to hear the sucking. Do directors believe that the sound of faux merriment will be so contagious that people will laugh along? Not if this show remains so painfully unfunny. Every joke fell flat, the premise was strained and the acting was stiff. I like Corddry’s work on The Daily Show, but this was just terrible. “There's no way I could live with myself if I missed that,” says a character at the end of the episode. Can’t say I agree. Watch it now if you so desire – it’s not long for primetime.

The Amazing Race
Lying and cheating doesn’t always pay off. This comes as a complete surprise to me as it is usually a prerequisite for reality TV success. Tonight professional reality TV contestants Rob and Amber Mariano were eliminated despite doing every little thing they could to get ahead of Charla and Mirna, including stealing their cab. The scheming pair, who won the first three legs of the race, blew it all by misspelling Philippines. Easy come easy go, I suppose. Many Amazing Race fans considered them interlopers but I liked their there-to-win-not-to-make-friends style. I’d guess this will be the final chapter of their TV run, but you never can tell.

The Apprentice
My PVR doesn’t’ like The Apprentice. For the past couple of weeks it has dropped Trump from my record schedule – perhaps I should take the hint. Actually I (no longer secretly) enjoy the bizknobs infomercial battle, though producer Mark Burnett has become too heavy handed in giving away the results with overly telegraphed music cues.

Zeroes
Turns out the Heroes parody was created by NBC - it did seem too good for a fan video. It was funny, I don't see why they needed to hide the source.

The King of All Reality Media

Fifteen minutes of fame? Not for Rob and Amber Mariano – the pair have parlayed their appearances on Survivor into careers on reality TV. In a boob tube schedule littered with reality shows, it’s an impressive feat to stand put from the crowd.

I have, for better or worse, watched every season of Survivor and other than Richard Hatch, Rupert, Rudy and the dude who said his grandmother died, I don’t remember a single one of them, and that includes the women who dropped trou for Playboy. That leaves over 200 people who were just fodder for the cameras, never to be seen again. Same goes with The Apprentice – I don’t remember the winners, let alone those fired by Trump. So when a couple manages not just one reality show, but six, they have clearly managed to capture the couch potato’s imagination.

Three seasons of Survivor, a reality TV wedding, Rob’s attempt to become a pro poker player in Rob and Amber: Against the Odds and now a second chance to win Amazing Race. One episode in and they have already easily cruised into the lead, displaying all the bravado that fans and competitors have come to love and hate. ''If you asked us who we'd really like to race against, there's really nobody. But if you ask anybody else, they'd say Rob and Amber,'' said Amber modestly on the premiere of Amazing Race: All-Stars.

It’s just fun to watch them as they have a genuine understanding of what they are there to do. Win. They aren’t there to make alliances, to come home with friends; it’s about winning the million and expanding the brand. They were so far out in front that they showed them completing the Checkpoint and then returned to the rest of the teams trying to find the Detour. It’s like professionals joined the Laff-A-Lympics.

Reality Bites

Mark Burnett is a genius. When Survivor announced its 13th season this summer people were up in arms over the premise – dividing the contestants into white, black, Asian and Hispanic tribes. Critics howled racism, advertisers pulled out and executive producer Burnett was accused of putting together a cheap publicity stunt.

It was a publicity stunt for sure, but it was hardly cheap. People talked about the show, mostly negatively, but they still tuned in. And at the end of the run, the show was in the Top 20 for the season and Sunday’s finale toped the night when Yul Kwon won the title of Sole Survivor. I would have given it to Ozzie, but what can you do?

For all of the concerns that the show was trading in racist stereotypes, the issue didn’t really rear its head beyond a lot of posturing about “representin.’” The gimmick played out for a few episodes before the merge returned the show’s usual scheming and backstabbing. I’ve been watching Survivor since a fat, naked, gay Machiavellian named Hatch schemed his way to a million dollars and this season held its own with the best of them. That is impressive for any show of this longevity, let alone a reality show.

I can’t say the same for the recently concluded Amazing Race. I haven’t been watching the series, but this year decided to give it a try. While it was entertaining enough, I couldn’t help noticing how contrived the whole production was – more so than Survivor. Every time a team got a head start they were inevitably sent to some store or attraction that was closed for hours, allowing the other teams to catch up. And when a favourite team was about to be knocked off, they oh-so-luckily happened to be in a non-elimination round. (I’m looking at you, blonde beauty queens.)

But my current guilty pleasure reality show is a Canadian production called The Big Flip, airing on HGTV. Two guys attempt to renovate and resell as many Toronto homes that they can in a year. It may not sound exciting except for one thing – they keep screwing up. It’s not that they don’t do good work, but they assume everything will be simple and it keeps biting them in the ass. Homes cost too much, they sell them for too little, they tear down load bearing walls and they ruin heritage homes. I watch it purely for the schadenfreude.

It Came From Saturday Night

When you sleep in four-hour cycles, the primetime schedule doesn’t have much meaning to you. I have praised digital video recorders as amazing tools many times, but it is a pop culture life preserver when you are a new parent. I’ve been recording everything and am trying to catch up. Some more thoughts on the season so far:

Back when the fall season was announced it was a surprise that there was not one, but two shows paying tribute to Saturday Night Live, which is hardly breaking comedy ground these days. The only thing I’ve heard people talking about SNL in the past couple of years is Ashlee Simpson’s lip synch and Lazy Sunday. Anyway, it seems after 32 years they are again some sort of cultural zeitgeist.

The Aaron Sorkin created Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is almost an exact replica of The West Wing, in terms of tone and pace. It is lightning quick and everyone is so damned sincere. It also appears that everyone who writes comedy are morose characters who never, ever laugh – clowns crying on the outside. I’ve seen three episodes so far and I’m willing to try more, but it could certainly lighten up a smidge.

Former SNL head writer Tina Fey’s 30 Rock, which debuted tonight, takes a very different tact, going for sitcom laughs to show the backstage workings of a live, weekly sketch show. Fey plays a head writer (natch) whose show is taken over by a network executive played by a bombastic Alec Baldwin, who is the best part of the show by far. It’s only been one episode so it may need to find its feet, but despite the different approaches, both shows are treading similar turf. Fey might have the comedy chops, but Sorkin has her on the writing.

This year we also decided to start watching The Amazing Race and I don’t understand why everyone thinks it is so, um, amazing – it seems more contrived than Survivor. All the players rush headlong towards a destination, freaking out along the way, only to be stopped at the entrance to a ticket booth that doesn’t open for hours. Soon all the teams have arrived and they all get on the bus at the same time, completely negating any advantage winning the last challenge had. How pointless.

I must admit that I do enjoy the image of the asshole American tourists (“I’m tired of talking to foreigners,” says Rob, while in Vietnam) and the conniving beauty queens – the casting is excellent. I just wish it were more of a race.