No Such Thing as Bad Publicity

What lesson has been learned from Michael “Kramer” Richard’s pro-lynching rant? That tossing around racial slurs in a comedy club is a surefire way for a faded TV comedian to generate some publicity. Andy Dick, formerly of NewsRadio, dropped the n-word during another comedian’s routine on Saturday.

The appropriately-named Dick was heckling the comedian when he grabbed the mic and yelled “You’re all a bunch of n-----s!” Nobody laughed, or caught it on tape for that matter. But to make sure that everyone knew he felt bad, he issued a predictable apology. "I chose to make a joke about a subject that is not funny," read his statement. "In an attempt to make light of a serious subject, I have offended a lot of people, and I am sorry for my insensitivity.”

What he should be sorry for is his shallow attempt to cash in on the Richards controversy. Look, I’m outrageous too! It makes me look back fondly on the practice of washed-up stars making sex tapes – but don’t get any ideas, Andy.

Though not in the same category, the former Mr. Britney Spears, is continuing to garner media attention by turning his impending divorce and potentially divisive custody battle into a reality show. When Kevin Federline loses his wife, home, kids, he turns on the cameras so everyone can watch him implode. As long as people are talking, right Kev?

While Federline is attempting to wring the last drips of publicity out of his extended 15 minutes of fame, another celebrity couple has pulled the plug on their tabloid-friendly relationship. With the DVD release of The Break-Up well behind them, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn parted company in the traditional fashion – a statement to People. The two got together on the set of The Break-Up, which garnered acres of press and likely helped propel the box office over the $100 million mark.

I can’t prove that Vaughniston was solely a studio/agent creation meant to drum up ticket sales for a middling film, but consider these are two people who are paid exceedingly well to act like they are in a relationship. How hard would it be to extend that to a few well-chosen public events if it meant more exposure for the film and more money on the backend for the aforementioned actors? I wouldn’t put it past Aniston, who has often used her breasts to garner attention for her career – either on magazine covers or sunning topless for the paparazzi. So what’s a couple of public smooches if it means a few million dollars?

These Pretzels Are Making Me Racist

The Michael “Kramer” Richards apology tour is so transparent it’s painful to watch – yet I cannot look away. Today the disgraced “funny man” appeared on Rev. Jesse Jackson’s radio show to do his mea culpa shuck and jive, which would be OK if it wasn’t so contrived. Last Wednesday he hired publicist Howard Rubenstein, who reportedly has strong ties to the black community. His first order of business? Setting up a call to Jackson.

What’s making this so galling is how obvious it is that Richards is being told how to limit the damage of his comedy lynching of two hecklers. It’s like a little kid apologizing because he’s being forced to, not because he feels sorry. Why Jackson agreed to be Cosmo’s beard is a mystery. Richards’ puppet master also announced that the so-called comedian has begun psychiatric counselling for anger management – it’s not quite rehab, but it’s close.

In another “everybody does it” excuse Richards claimed the racial epithet he spewed during his act is used frequently in the entertainment industry. “I fear that young whites will think it's cool to go around and use that word because they see very cool people in show business using that word so freely.” Oh yeah, teenagers will be swearing like Richards because he’s so very hip. I still have my bets that the tour will make a stop at Oprah’s this week.

Speaking of comeback attempt tours, Britney Spears is trying hard to shed her mom of two image and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before. More to the point she’s been partying all weekend with Paris Hilton, sans underwear.

Taking a page from the world’s most famous heir-head, the newly single Spears flashed a throng of paparazzi, showing her thong-less self to the flashbulbs. At least she didn’t have one of her kids with her, so no need to apologize.

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What, Can't You Take a Joke?

No rehab yet for Michael Richards, but he is moving along with a textbook example of crisis management as he tries to salvage his career from his most famous appearances in years – a rage-infused, racist rant at a comedy club. KKKramer has hired a high-powered publicist who has got him putting calls into Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. If he isn’t on Oprah by the end of next week I will be shocked.

But is it too late? He is now everyone’s punching bag and an instant punch line for every other comedian. The NAACP, for one, isn’t buying his contrition, saying it "is indicative of the type of denial that too often accompanies racist rhetoric." There is also confirmation that he shouted out anti-Semitic remarks during another standup comedy routine in April. Just role-playing, says Howard Rubenstein, Richards apologist-for-hire.

The guys he heckled don’t accept his apology either and have hired a lawyer and Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx wants to lay a beating on him If that wasn’t enough, the t-shirt companies (who print at the speed of light) are weighing in with their opinion as well, further imbedding his new image deep into pop culture. It’s not looking good, Cosmo.

Celebrity See, Celebrity Do

Hang him upside down and stick a fork in him, Michael Richards career is done. Already fading away, the former K-K-Kramer decided to give his career a poorly thought out publicity boost, Mel Gibson style.

During a failed piece of standup last Friday, Richards was taunted about his lack of comedy skill, and he decided to prove the heckler right by launching into a racial epithet-laden rage that cleared the room. Richards, who is Exhibit One of The Seinfeld Curse, has already begun the de rigueur rounds of celebrity apologies – most likely because his What’s the Deal With N-----s? routine was posted in all its bigoted glory on the gossip site TMZ.

Appearing last night on the Late Show with David Letterman during a segment with Jerry Seinfeld, Richards said he was sorry and that he was not a racist. If that doesn’t take, expect to see him check in to rehab in the next week for drugs/alcohol/exhaustion or a tearful admission to Oprah about being abused as a child. As Cosmo’s former lawyer Jackie Chiles would have said: “It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.”

In other news, it appears Fox has finally found something that even they find unpalatable. The usually, umm, cutthroat Rupert Murdoch has put the kibosh on O.J. Simpsons “fictional” confession If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. Seems the tycoon came to the realization that an interview and book of Simpson graphically describing how he would have carried out the 1994 murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, stating that it “was an ill-considered project.” Gee, ya think? Anyway, I’m glad to see them come to their senses and I just hope it isn’t all being saved for MySpace.