Words Can Kill

Words are powerful and kinetic typography shows that it's not just pictures that are worth a thousand with these scenes from Thank You For Smoking and Requiem for a Dream. From Webdesigner Depot's 18 Creative Examples of Typography in Motion. (Link via Media-Digest)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Shut Up Or Die
A Way With Words
Toy Story 2 vs Requiem for a Dream

FOBulosity - Don't Be Dull, Be Dazzling!

Months ago I started hearing these murmurs that a coworker of mine, Michael, had pimped his work FOB. Lo and behold, it wasn't a sick urban legend like toothpaste will get rid of that hickey before your Mother sees it. Nope. Seems Michael was a touch bored one evening, took a look at his forlorn FOB and decided to make use of his wife's jewellery making tools. And the result was nothing short of magical. This bedazzled bijou would be the envy of magpies from Mariah to Ms. Kimora Lee. It is nothing short of genius. I mean, my naked ass FOB sighed and rolled over in its presence. I swear it dug itself farther into my back pocket out of sheer mortification. Sadly, Michael has decided to move on from the company and he will be forced to relinquish his opus as part of protocol. The horror! It is time we rise up in the face of bureaucracy and free the Art of the Mundane! I'm campaigning for a hall of fame, bitches. Or at least a neatly framed nod in one of our board rooms. Who's with me?

Course I'd be totally remiss if I didn't give a shout out to the original, the one who started it all, The Bedazzler!

And to Tana Goertz from Season of 3 The Apprentice - she made a living with The Bedazzler! Now that's a winner!

She's even in Spanish! Fabuloso!

Pamela Westoby guesting and ghosting while Barker cottages. And has forgotten all about work. And work FOBs. If you like this, you might just like my book Hoyden and my flickr!

You Say Kaese, I Say Kaufmann!

I was sitting here, munching on my salad while watching The Bachelorette and guilting over the lack of posting, when a lightning bolt struck: cheese sculpture. I'd like to think that it was God speaking directly to me, but it was more likely my stomach. I'm gearing up for my 20 year high school reunion and I am hungray. But if I don't watch my figure no one else will, as my Great Aunt Trudie used to say. Anyhoo, cheese sculpture seemed right. What can I say? Somethings defy explanation. But syncronicity must've been at play cause I hit the web and there was some big cheese sculpting news. It seems Sarah Kaufmann, the reigning doyenne of dapper dairy da Vincis, experienced the sharp end of cheddar last week when her anniversary nod to astronaut Neil Armstrong fell victim to the lack of AC, much to the chagrin of visitors who were "audibly and visibly disappointed". I'd be audibly and visibly disappointed, too, if I lined up to see Neil Armstrong rendered in rennet and was left with a mound of Wisconsin's finest. I'd ask for my $4 back. And then I'd ask "Is anyone gonna eat that?" But I'm classy that way. Luckily for Kaufmann, she was able to beat the heat and redeem herself:
(photo courtesy of The Wapakoneta Daily News)

And fortunately for us, citizen journalism captured Kaufmann toiling in the flourescent limelight. Thank god for iReport! Nothing says cinema verite like cheese carving to check-out scan bleets.

Dairy debacles aside, life appears to be coming up all munster and asiago for Kaufmann. Seems Kaufmann just wed her man in a pirate themed ceremony where she pronounced "Our love is anchored in cheese". AND she made The Supermarket News this past weekend when she used her mad skills to carve Wisconsin dairy scenes in a 1,000 lbs of cheddar. Who knew life in the cheese carving world was as quick as microwaved Cheez Whiz on boiled broccoli? Kaufmann's dairy star is clearly on the rise. And I can't wait till she inks that riveting reality show deal.

PS. While technically not a sculpture, this is cheese art. And thus I had to post. Cause while he ain't no Kaufmann, I love Kyle from LA Ink. Kyle waltzed into the shop one day and proudly asked for a memorial tattoo for cheese. Seems poor Kyle suffered an accident that left him lactose intolerant. Pretty much my worst nightmare - and apparently Kyle's. So he decided to do what most folks do - toss out the Lactaid and get a cheesy tat. A man after my own heart.

Pamela Westoby guesting and ghosting while Barker cottages. Likely in the rain. If you like this, you might just like my book Hoyden and my flickr!

Putting The Cat In Cataclysm

So it's been raining torrents for the past couple of days here in Toronto, scuttling yet another summer's weekend and naturally indicating that The Reckoning is upon us. And so I spent the afternoon doing what most folks do on soggy Sundays - recovering from last night's ping pong tourney and searching for survival gear for Bucky. I mean, Bucky's cute, but he ain't no Michael Phelps. And he certainly ain't no Hawkeye. Hawkeye's da bomb. He sashays underwater like Esther Williams in Dangerous When Wet. When I showed Bucky this clip of Hawkeye in action, he just yawned and said that Hawkeye clearly didn't care about the effects of chlorine on his coat. And that the "mangy" (his words, not mine) Mutley was surely flea-ridden.

Methinks someone feels a little outshone...It's clear, however, that Bucky will never don a self-contained breathing apparatus and so I was forced to shop around for feline floatation devices, lest he squander his nine lives. Aside from the requisite Hello Kitty boots:

I figured I'd also pop for one of these nifty Float-A-Pet flotation collars (link via engadget):

And, of course, one of these uber-chic pet umbrellas. But only cause Bucky loves Rihanna.
Recognizing that The Reckoning will likely entail more than a Biblical deluge, I'd have been remiss if I hadn't also investigated other pet survival items such as the pet earthquake jacket:

This little piece of sartorial safety gear comes replete with aromatherapy that will help ward off the stench of decomp. Or in Toronto's case, the 2009 CUPE garbage strike (link via luxurylaunches and geekologie).

And if things should go all The Day After, Bucky would be completely covered. Literally:

Course Bucky could really care less about all the preparations I'm mulling over. He's more interested in grooming his privates and napping on his very dry couch like an insolent teen. But proper parenting ain't about gratitude - it's about worrying now so you don't worry later as the survivalists like to say. And about self-soothing with booze. Preferably Heineken.

Pamela Westoby guesting and ghosting while Barker cottages. Likely in the rain. If you like this, you might just like my book Hoyden and my flickr!

I'm Just An Animal Looking For A Home

Actor, singer and sometimes Tom Cruise look-a-like Miles Fisher covers The Talking Heads song This Must Be The Place with a note-perfect reenactment of American Psycho.

The video is great, but next time I listen to it I'm going to cue up the original and watch the video without the sound. But that's just me. (Link via BuzzFeed)

Previously on Popped Culture...
The Dark American Psycho Knight
It's Not Easy Being An American Psycho
Cereal Killer, Qu'est-ce Que C'est?

Drink Yourself To Inner Peace

Turns out I already know how to do yoga. No wonder I'm so relaxed. I think I'll go and try to pass out a pose now. Drunk People Yoga Positions via Neatorama.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Get Yer Game On
Spartan Babies!
Olympics: Faster, Higher, Brickier

Fear And Loathing In The Mystery Machine

We were ten minutes south of San Clemente when the putrid green daisy walls of the van started closing in. I recall the fat four-eyed lesbian sweater girl saying something like "are you okay, Mr. Duke? We've got a mystery to solve..." when suddenly the gullet of the garish chartreuse steel beast began to spasm, as if a digestive track readying itself to vomit. I began clawing at my hamstrings and when I turned my head I was looking into the irridescent eyes of a grotesque animal screeching "Ruh Roh! Ruh Roh!" in a hoarse irritating dog-accented gibberish. That's when it things began to turn weird.
Read the rest of the rest of the never-aired 1973 Scooby Doo episode with guest star Hunter S. Thompson. Many, many thanks to The Zeray Gazette for pointing me to this madness!

Previously at Popped Culture...
I Know We'll Catch That Villain
Sad Kermit
Clean and Sober

I Know We'll Catch That Villain

The Scooby Gang goes anime, from deviantARTist's Izaru and osy057. They seem a little sullen though, while Daphne and Velma have been sexualized just a touch. Go figure.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Matthew, Mark, Luke and Optimus Prime
The Simpsonzu
If It Weren't For You Meddling Kids!

Evil Comes In All Shapes And Sizes

Evil movie monsters, from smallest to tallest: Chucky, Wicked Witch of the West, Tyrannosaurus Rex, King Kong, Rancor, Maegatron, 50 Foot Woman, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Tripod, Gozilla, and Cloverfild monster. From graphic designer Sean Mort.

Sure puts King Kong in perspective. What a shorty. (Link via BuzzFeed)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Ghostbusters Catch Gozer... Um, Jesus
Crime Lords of Oz
Paraskavedekatriaphobia Butchery

You Need To Be As Mad As A Hatter

The Alice In Wonderland trailer is dark, colourful, amazing! What what else would you expect when you mix Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and a fairytale setting? Don't take my word for it, see for yourself.

Update: Looks like Disney has pulled the trailer off the internets — only a few grainy versions remain. It must be horrible for a company to get all that free advertising and promotion. Good for them for dismissing all those fans!

Update 2: Hmm, it's back. I sure told them.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Through The Looking Glass
Through The Remixed Looking Glass
Dancing With Scissors

Fast Food Kills

Meet the Fast Food Mafia: Ron 'The Don' McDonald, 'The Colonel' Sanders, "Little" Caesar, 'Wendy' Gwendolen, B.K. 'The King'. You could almost envision it if health concerns drove junk food underground. Anytime you prohibit something, it creates a black market. From pop artist Andrew Shirey. (Link via The Daily What)

Now it turns out that yesterday was National Junk Food Day and I missed it. Lucky for me I ended up celebrating it anyhow. But Listicles was paying attention and pulled together 20 Pieces of Junk Food Art. These are a couple of my favourites.

Fast Food Kills, from pop artist Steven Smith

Junk Food Vertumnus from Andy Council. I guess you are what you eat. Shudder.

Previously on Popped Culture...

Ronald McDonald's Dark Side
Would You Like Fries With That?
I'm Lovin' It

Play This Meme Off, Keyboard Cat

UPDATE: Threadless has rushed this shirt to print. Now, will I actually wear it?

In the offhand chance you don't waste as much time on the interwebs as I do and haven't seen this mashup of Keyboard Cat and the 3 Wolf Moon t-shirt, consider your mind blown. From Threadless designer Oxen.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Keyboard Cat: You Make My Dreams Come True
Teh Lolcats Theme Song
Here Be Anthropomorphic Dragons

J-Stache: Ride the Mustache

John Oates is the Crown Prince of Rock n' Soul.
J.Stache is a kick-ass 80's mustache.
And they fight crime. This, apparently, is a real thing:
It will portray Oates opening a new wing of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that focuses on mustachioed musicians. Suddenly, a dying David Crosby appears and with his last breath warns Oates of a mysterious secret group of mustache wearers bent on killing other mustache wearers. As actor Tom Selleck attempts to escape from the latest murder scene, Oates summons his own mustache with a fist pump that simultaneously changes his clothes from conservative attire to pink pants and white boots.
And the mustache is on Twitter. Of course it is. (Link via Topless Robot)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Keyboard Cat: You Make My Dreams Come True
Crime Lords of Oz
Everything's Drawn And Super 80s

Kurt Cobain Is Rickrolling In His Grave

DJ Morgoth's mashup of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit versus Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up is equal parts awesome and terrifying. Terrsome? Awesofying? Anyway, it the kind of wrong you can't turn away from. (Link via The Daily What)

One Giant Leap For Parody...

Forty years ago today, man landed on the Moon. Well, supposedly. You folks probably think that Obama is an American too.

I kid, but at least the loony conspiracy theorists are still interested in the lunar landing, while the rest of us give little thought to the Moon's "magnificent desolation." On the other hand, the Moon landing has been a rich source of parody. Herewith are 13 of the best.

TARDIS Moon Landing
Seems like we were beaten to the Moon by Doctor Who.

SPQR Moon Landing
Actually, no, it was the Romans who got there first. Hmm, history is hard.

Canadian Moon Landing
Wait, wait, wait — Canadians got there first? Now I'm a loyal Canuck and even I know that can't be true.

Redneck Moon Landing
See it was Americans after all. I'm kinda surprised they didn't go in a souped-up version of the General Lee.

Watchmen Moon Landing
At least we know who took that famous photograph — Dr. Manhattan.

Onion Moon Landing
In any case, The Onion sums up how I think every paper should have really reacted to the Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's feat. "Holy living fuck... Are you fucking believing this? Over," Armstrong radioed back to NASA headquarters nearly 25,000 miles away. "I abso-fucking-lutely am standing on the surface of the fucking moon."

Mooning Moon Landing
Perhaps we haven't been back because the moon wasn't everything it was, um, cracked up to be.

Giant Moon Landing
Then again, maybe they found something far too terrifying. And here I thought it would be super-intelligent chimps.

Tractor Moon Landing
One theory on our continuing lack of interest in the moon is that budget cutbacks mean the equipment astronauts would have to use these days would be considerably less than high tech.

Video Camera Moon Landing
It would be easier to dismiss the moon landing hoaxes without pictures like this surfacing. What were they thinking?!

Studio Moon Landing
Turns out they NASA really just went to Sears and got the family special with the Moon backdrop.

Rolling Moon Landing
"Hey guys I got us some McDon.... Crap are we shooting?"

Previously on Popped Culture...
Popaganda: The Pop Culture Revolution
Tank Man of Tiananmen Square
The Evolution of Satire

Stitch Wars

A long stitch ago in a Gallery not so far, far away, an alliance of crafty rebel artists was formed to honor the epic fantasy world of Star Wars. Wielding mighty tools of knitting and crochet, cutting through the great expanse of felt, these daring individuals used their handmade patterns of survival to restore freedom to the galaxy. Beginning July 18th, their Jedi mind tricks will bedazzle you and sway your thoughts to the Dark side of the Art World. May their farce be with you.

Here are just a few of the pieces that amused me. Be sure to check out the whole show.

Jawa Group
Artist: Cutesypoo

Sarlacc Pitlow Monster
Artist: Scrumptious Delight

Scary Wampa
Artist: Denn Rodriguez

It's a Clock!
Artist: Rosemary Travale

Previously on Popped Culture...
Knitsections & Feltidermy
Extreme Crocheting
Pillow Talk

Terrible News, Everyone!

How does FOX manage to turn a great idea into a shit hole with such ease? When it was confirmed last month that Futurama was being revived for a 26-episode run, I was thrilled. Yay, buying the (truth be told, kinda boring) straight-to-DVD movies worked. Bender would return to his insulting, pimping, boozing self and the show could get back to its incisive, hilarious satire of modern life, technology and sci-fi.

The show would look the same, the cast was already excited about returning and, if they could get back some of the key writing staff, it would be like it never left.

Well bite my shiny metal ass if they didn't find a way to screw it up. Forces of Geek is reporting that FOX has sent out a casting notice, looking to replace actors John DiMaggio (Bender), Billy West (Fry, Prof Farnsworth, Zoidberg) Katy Sagal (Turanga Leela) and the rest of the cast.

WTF?! What kind of cheap stunt is this? I can only hope this isn't true, but if it is, it would put me off the show entirely. I will not watch/purchase/reccomend the new Futurama if they treat the cast, and fans, like this. Hopefully they will reconsider.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Watcharama: Who watches the Futuramen?
Invaders! Possibly From Space!
Obsoletely Fabulous

Harry Potter And The Office Of Unemployment

Harry Potter and the Office of Unemployment

As the Harry Potter movies get darker, so do the parodies. This time round, a wizard runs off with everyone's tuition money and Hogwarts is turned into condos, forcing Harry and his classmates to hit streets looking for work.

Previously on Popped Culture...
MC Voldemort Owns Harry Potter
Harry Potter And The Alternate Ending
Yo Momma So Fat The Sorting Hat Put Her In All Four Houses

Guns. Lots Of Guns

Can you name the cult movies these 40 weapons came from? If so, does Crazy 4 Cult have a contest for you. The cult movie art show opens today at Gallery 1988 and I wish I could be there to see it, but at least they will be displaying the artworks online.

Come on Toronto, someone open something similar, or bring the show here.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Pop Culture Target Practice
Make Like A Tree And Get Outta Here
Frying Up Some Iggys

MC Voldemort Owns Harry Potter

Poor Harry Potter, he just can't bring the hurt against Voldemort, even with his "Hagrid-sized balls."
I'm the darkest dark wizard in all of history
I'll slay your ass out like Cedric Digory
With a wave of my finger I'll put you on the floor
You a punk ass little kid without Dumbledore
I'm the best wizard rapper you ever will see
You're a puny rich midget with a dead mommy
(Link via /Film)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Harry Potter And The Alternate Ending
Yo Momma So Fat The Sorting Hat Put Her In All Four Houses
8 Kilomètres

First You Get The Money...

Who says video games don't teach valuable life lessons? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little mushroom friends! Get the tee from SplitReason and show off your mastery of both gaming and movie geekdom. (Link via Unreality)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Super Mario Bros: Mario's Mass Grave
Canadian History: The Video Game
What Would Pac-Man Eat?

M-M-M-M-Make It So

"He just kept talking in one long, incredibly unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt... It was really quite hypnotic."

Topless Robot posted this the other day as an example of why Star Trek: The Next Generation is actually inferior to the original series. I think it illustrates exactly the opposite. Jean-Luc Picard has got moves!

Previously on Popped Culture...
Star Trek Knights of the Round Table
I Will Have You Suspended... At Warp Speed!
Star Trek: The Remixed Generation

101 Sesame Street Muppets

Oh, these are the people in your neighbourhood,
In your neighbourhood,
In your neigh-bour-hood,
Yes, these are the people in your neighbourhood,
They’re the people that you meet,
When you’re walking down the street,
They’re the people that you meet…each…day!
In honour of 40 inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational Sesame Street years, my National Post colleague Steve Murray created an EPIC illustration of 101 Muppets, quickly succumbing to carpal tunnel soon thereafter. It was well worth it.

This image doesn't do justice to the full-size interactive key. At best I can only identify a couple of dozen by name and I practically used to live on that street.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Sesame Street Fighter
The Kids Aren't Alright
Heeere's Cookie Monster!

Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse

Don't know why, but the interwebs have throwing up a lot of zombie worries recently. Now I don't want to worry anyone, but it never hurts to be prepared.

The Zombie Preparedness Initiative is a knowledge base provided by a community of citizens concerned about the impending zombie invasion and the imminent disaster that is sure to follow.

Before All Else Fails, Run! Strategies from a Flight-First Perspective
What is the primary skill needed to survive a zombie invasion? An individual may practice superior marksmanship, wear the most fantastic home-built armor, and possess the best maps and equipment. However, if one can't run at least six miles without stopping, one is in a brief, flesh-rending world of hurt.

Martial Arts, The Undead and You: Hand-to-Necrotized Flesh
This is a very bad idea. Zombies transmit their virus by biting or scratching. The last thing you want to do is get close. On the other hand sometimes life puts you in weird situations.

Surviving the Apocalypse as a Family
I know there are a lot of guides to help you save your own skin. That is fine and dandy, but there are also a lot of us out here that need to protect a whole family.

WGMX 4 - Zombocalypse from Rob Moffett (VDA) on Vimeo.

Links via Presurfer and JazJaz)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Pop Culture Target Practice
When Zombie Attack, Wise Man Get Shotgun
Celebrities Of The Living Dead

Yoda Loves the YMCA

Neill Cameron is wrapping up his A-Z of Awesomeness. If you haven't checked out his full alphabet, you are doing yourself a disservice. The mustachioed R2-D2 makes my day.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Elements of Awesome
Oompa LoomPacino
The World Through Michael Bay's Eyes

Sweet, Sweet Candy!

U.S. President Barack Obama, attending the G8 summit in Italy yesterday, was caught checking out the posterior of a young delegate. Or so it appears.

Upon further investigation by the fine folks at Fark, it turns out to be a Homer-esque sized misunderstanding. Seems the president has spotted the rare gummi Venus de Milo, carved by gummi artisans who work exclusively in the medium of gummi. He was just thinking about that sweet, sweet candy... (Link via The Daily What)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Anatomy Of A Gummi Bear
The Evolution of Satire
Popaganda: The Pop Culture Revolution

Gingerbread Man Dissected

Pop artist Jason Freeny, already having ruined Gummi Bears, makes Gingerbread Men seem like the least appealing thing you'd ever want to eat. They'd be all crunchy, with a chewy, spurting centre.

Hmm, maybe they wouldn't be so bad after all. Head to Moist Production to see the full poster. (Link via Super Punch)

Previously on Popped Culture...
Snow White & The Depressing Reality
Grandma, What Informative Graphics You Have!
Not By The Hair Of My Stop Motion Chin

United Breaks Guitars

Dave Carroll of the Halifax band Sons of Maxwell had his guitar broken by United Airlines baggage handlers in Chicago. They gave him the runaround and ignored him for nine months, so he wrote a hutin' song and put it up on YouTube, where it is now on its way to going viral. Beware of pissed of customers.
United, United, you broke my Taylor guitar
United, United, some big help you are
You broke it, you should fix it
You're liable, just admit it
I should have flown with someone else or gone by car
‘Cause United breaks guitars'
Link via all over, but initially Steve Pratt

Previously on Popped Culture...

Swamp Stomp Country
All Your Memes Are Belong To Us
The Customer Is Always Wrong

Lessons From The Hundred Acre Wood

In Which We Are Introduced to a Rabid Winnie-the-Pooh: While he may be a Bear of Very Little Brain, he is still a bear and bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. Just ask Stephen Colbert.

From Threadless designer Roni Lagin.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Anatomy Of A Gummi Bear
Popaganda: The Pop Culture Revolution
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

Harry Potter And The Alternate Ending

The end of the Harry Potter saga, if it were written by:

Joss Whedon:
As the conflict with Voldemort comes to a head, Ron Weasley is suddenly and shockingly killed. Hermione responds with steely determination, joined by Luna Lovegood, who turns out to be a rare witch who has super-powerful martial arts skills. While Harry tries ineffectively to help—often with comic results—Luna kills the Death Eaters with Unblockable Scorpion Kicks and Hermione defeats Voldemort in a head-on battle of magic.

George Lucas:
The battle between Harry and Voldemort comes to a close with an exciting magical glowing sword fight in the never-before-seen high-tech part of Hogwarts during which Voldemort reveals that he's Harry's real father. Then the Death Star blows up.

George Orwell:
As the students looked in at the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix, they could no longer tell one from the other.

Scooby Doo writers:
As Lord Voldemort draws his last breath, he utters, "And I would have succeeded taking over the world if it weren't for YOU meddling kids."

And on and on like that, in many faux-authors voices, at Windypundit. (Link via Phangirl)

Photo: A still from the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, found at Film School Rejects.

Previously on Popped Culture...
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Bunnies
Yo Momma So Fat The Sorting Hat Put Her In All Four Houses
Harry Potter and the Mid-Life Crisis