Golden Turd: Live Blogging the Globes

People demonstrate against the writers' strike outside the Beverly Hilton where the Golden Globes awards were announced at a press conference.No red carpet, no stars, no speeches, monologues or interpretive dances. Can it even be called an awards show? It’s time for the writers strike version of the 2008 Golden Globes:

9:01 - A nice fade to black photo of a previous award ceremony with the explanation of why the glitzy show was cancelled.

9:02 – On to the supporting actress category just like a regular show. Isn’t this supposed to be a press conference? I’ve been to press conferences and they don’t look like this.

9:04 – Cate Blanchett wins for her portrayal of Dylan. And there is no applause, nothing. The hosts are just yammer on like low-rent Mary Hart clones. Wow, this is so terrible.

9:06 – They are just flying through the categories. Already I regret all my bad mouthing of the previous over-the-top ceremonies. I had no idea it could be so much worse.

9:10 – Jamie Pressly doesn’t win for Best Supporting TV Actress. Too bad, she such a lunatic on My Name is Earl.

9:14 – Ah, even the hosts Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell are calling it a special, not a press conference. I wonder if the Writers Guild would have picketed this if they had known? Does Billy Bush really count as a news reporter? NBC should be ashamed. (Update: Seems that the press conference was a separate event and this was a news special reporting on it. What were they thinking?)

9:16 – Ratatouille beats out The Simpsons Movie for best animated film. That’s what you get when you wait 19 years to come out with a film that should have been made more than a decade ago.

9:19 – What is La Vie en Rose? Isn’t that a lingerie shop? Anyway, Marion Cotillard wins and so much for Ellen Page's vaunted great Canadian breakout. Not to say that she hasn’t broken out, she just won’t have to worry about trying to capitalize on a Globes win during a writers strike.

9:24 – On to some bigger movie awards. Javier Bardem wins for No Country For Old Men – good call. He should win the Oscar too. Why are they following that with trivia tidbits? Are the researchers all on strike too? All you need to "host" these days is a toothy smile and a fast connection to the Internet Movie Database.

9:31 – Look at that, we’re halfway done. A regular show would have presented two awards at best so far. Still a terrible experience though.

9:25 – Billy Bush dumps on the Coen brothers, for no particular reason: "For a Coen Brothers film, people are actually going to see it."

9:32 – David Duchovny wins for a TV comedy. I remember that guy. I wonder if they really are going to make a second X-Files film?

9:35 – Ricky Gervais’ show Extras wins for Best TV Comedy. Expect to see it remade in weeks and aired on the network that throws the most money at all of those pre-written scripts.

9:37 – Tina Fey wins for 30 Rock. Well-deserved, she’s hilarious. Are people really not watching this show? What is wrong with you? Go rent or download it, now!

9:43 – The Coen brothers lose out for Best Director and Billy Bush continues his hate-on for him. What is going on there? Did they snub him on a red carpet or turn him down at a casting call?

9:45 – The coolest man on earth wins for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy. My first regret of the night – I would have loved to see Johnny Depp accept for Sweeny Todd.

9:47 – Sweeny Todd wins for Best Musical or Comedy. Wow, that make them a real Oscar contender. I really need to get out of the house and see that…

9:52 – Its funny, with all the awards appearing equal in this format, the TV winners aren’t getting buried on the show, as usual. And Mad Men wins – does anyone reading this even get AMC?

9:54 – They show a clip of Angelina Jolie swimming in a see-through gown. It’s the best they will be able to do all night, which, thankfully, is almost over.

9:55 – Julie Christie wins for Away From Her, Sarah Polley’s full-length directorial debut. Go Canadian content!

9:57 – Daniel Day-Lewis wins for Best Actor in a Drama. Of course you could have looked this up on the Globes site an hour ago.

9:59 – Atonement wins for Best Drama and the show wraps it up with some pointless banter and we’re out. Seems letting a news organization run the show makes sure it is finished on time. Though what that hour-long debacle had to do with news is beyond me.

10:02 I spent more time in the bathroom with the stomach flu the other week than this show took to air, and had more fun too. The producers of the Oscars must be terrified right now.


  1. I didn't even in tune in for the special--Comanche Moon was on CBS. From the sounds of it, it couldn't really be called an awards show.

  2. I watched mostly for the train wreck - which it was. I hope they cancel/postpone the Oscars because if they are like this they will be terrible.