Gone Fishin'

Well, not really, but it seemed like the kinda thing you're supposed to say. But I will be far from the world of high-speed wireless internet and not just being lazy about updating. So have a happy Canada Day, Fourth of July or just a good weekend wherever you are.

And if you can't get out to see Superman, you can alway watch Superman: The Movie! In 30 seconds (And Renacted by Bunnies)

One Critic to Ruin Them All

It was the critics' fault. The Canadian dollar is too high. U.S. tourists are too afraid to travel. Gas costs too much. People don’t understand British theatre. It was SARS. Our audiences were all drunken idiots. Ok, I made up the last one, but it was the only thing theatre producer Kevin Wallace didn’t blame the failure of the Toronto production of The Lord of the Rings on.

But it was the Gollum-like theatre critics that took the brunt of the blame for dooming the $28-million adaptation of Tolkien’s trilogy.

"I would not discount the role of the critics," Wallace said. "We were given a rough ride here in North America, and we struggled with a mixed message. In the Toronto press, the vote was three to one (against the show). That became an issue… If the critics don’t think they have power, believe me they do."

At the same news conference where Wallace heaped criticism on the critics for being critical, he barely acknowledged their complaints: it was too long, had no heart, didn’t have enough music, it was confusing and didn’t connect with audiences, who subsequently didn’t shell out $125 bucks for a ticket.

Clearly, Wallace doesn’t understand the role of critics – they are not community boosters, despite what he may believe. And if any show should have been critic proof, Rings was it. Millions have read the books and seen the movies, so it’s not like people didn’t know what the show was about. But perhaps it was the over familiarity that put off fans, who didn’t feel the need to see Frodo again so soon.

I haven’t seen the show myself, but I did (and still do) plan to, despite the critical attention, because I’m interested. I’ve had friends who went and enjoyed it, and that’s more important to me. It was the same way when we saw Avenue Q in New York – on the advice of a friend. We went to see Wicked last year and I never read a single review, we were interested in the story.

Critics don’t sink shows – if they had that power, Mamma Mia would never have lasted. They can help inform opinion, but a show will sink or swim on its own merits.

Hollywood Economics

Skin commands a lot of money, more so if you are famous. I know, I’m hardly breaking news here, but there have been a couple of stories recently that shows what a pound of flesh is worth.

A few weeks ago, People magazine shelled out $4.1 million for pictures of the chosen one, Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie, setting the bar for Baby’s First Invasion of Privacy.

It appears $4 million is the going rate to see Ashlee Simpson as naked as the day she was born. In Touch Weekly says Playboy has offered the lip-syncher seven figures, under the assumption more people would prefer to look at her breasts than hear her sing.

"Ashlee figures she's never looked better, so this may be the perfect time to do it,” an insider told the magazine. "She feels confident and sexy and thinks this is one way for her to separate her image from (sister) Jessica's."

Yeah, getting everyone to stare at her body would really help define her differently than Jessica. Sadly, Ashlee has decided her body is not for sale, at least at that price anyway.

Which is, essentially, why we haven’t seen any pictures of Suri Cruise gracing the newsstand. The gossip magazine were only willing to pony up a measly $3 mill for Scientology’s latest poster child, and Tom and Katie (ok, Tom and his handlers) balked, refusing to sell out their kid for less than Brad and Angie got.

Which means Britney should expect a month’s supply of Cheeetos when she pops out her second born.

Just Sue It

Oliver Stone, 9/11, a conspiracy theory? Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. The twist this time has nothing to do with who attacked the World Trade Center, but a legal scuffle over two similarly titled films.

Paramount Pictures is suing Chris Moukarbel over his 12-minute version of director Oliver Stone’s upcoming tale of two cops rescued from the rubble of the twin towers. The short film is based on a bootleg copy of the original script, featuring student actors and shot by Moukarbel himself. The studio believes people will confuse this online short with the full-length, $60 million version starring Nicolas Cage.

"Large numbers of people will see the Moukarbel film first for free and determine, based on this poor-quality copy, that they do not want to pay to see the remainder of the WTC Film at a theater when it is released," Paramount's lawsuit said.

"He's free to make any World Trade Center movie he wants to make, but not our movie with our script," said Nancy Kirkpatrick, a Paramount spokeswoman.

While there appears to be no dispute that Moukarbel used the World Trade Center script, it seems extremely unlikely anyone would mistake a student short for the work of Oliver Stone. C’mon, Alexander wasn’t that bad. Moukarbel, who had been hosting the film on his website has removed it and other sites have pulled their links as well.

With $60 million invested and another $40 million earmarked for marketing, there is a lot of money tied up in this film which will take a lot of tickets to make back. So what’s the cost of a lawsuit against a student when it garners hundreds of stories about your upcoming release and countless blog posts (myself included)? Ask the producers of The Da Vinci Code how much negative publicity hurt them…

Welcome (Back) to the World of Tomorrow!!

After three years in the cryogenic chamber, Comedy Central is unthawing Futurama and putting it back on air. Similar to the resurrection of The Family Guy, DVD sales and endless reruns have given the show a new 13-episode lease on life.

"We are thrilled that Matt Groening and 20th Century Fox Television have decided to produce new episodes of Futurama and that Comedy Central will be the first to air them," said David Bernath, the cable net's senior VP.

"There is a deep and passionate fan base for this intelligent and very funny show that matches perfectly with our audience, and it is great that we can offer them not just the existing library but something they've never seen as well," Bernath told the Hollywood Reporter, via eonline.

It’s great to see networks recognizing (if belatedly) quality shows and making the effort to revive them. It’s likely that the animated nature of these two examples makes it easier to recreate – the characters haven’t aged, the voice talent isn’t tied up in another series – than a live action show. Could reruns and DVDs save Arrested Development? Probably not.

Of course much like Zombie Jesus, Family Guy looked right during its Second Coming but soon proved to be a shadow of its former self. Funny at first, it soon devolved into slapstick, mean-spiritedness and shock for it’s own sake. And I say this as a fan from the original broadcast: It just isn’t funny any more.

On the other hand I’ve been watching and re-watching reruns of Futurama (and I own the DVDs) and have recently found myself wishing there were more episodes. It’s a great mix of pop culture parody and sci-fi references and, dare I say, better than The Simpsons. At least better than the late season episodes.

The new shows aren’t due out until 2008 (damn those long animation lag times) and voice actors Billy West (Fry, Zoidberg, the Professor), Katey Sagal (Leela) and John DiMaggio (Bender) have all singed on to reprise their roles. I really hope they get this one right. If they don’t they can bite my shiny metal ass.

The Talented Captain Kirk

Shater. Stewart. Bakula. Damon? If rumors are to be believed the next captain of the USS Enterprise will be Matt Damon (excuse my photoshopping). It appears that Star Trek XI: So Very Tired is actually moving forward and director/producer J.J. Abrams wants to promote Private Ryan to the helm. He’s even gone so far as to ask William Shatner’s approval.

"Shatner gave his blessing," reports The Insider. "J.J. got his approval. J.J. wants Damon as Capt. Kirk. He really loves the idea." I don’t think they should be bothering with a new film – it could do with a bit of a time out – if they are insisting on revisiting our future past than Damon doesn’t seem such a bad choice. He’ll have to work on that Kirk bravado though and, uh, be a few years younger.

The film is supposed to follow the early days of Kirk and Mr. Spock at Starfleet Academy and first outer-space mission, making the 35-year-old Damon older than Shatner was when he chased short-skirted blue women though the galaxy. They’ll also need to be looking for a new Vulcan. Does this mean we will see an on-screen reunion with Ben Affleck? Call it Good Will Trekking.

Choose Wisely

It’s time to make a choice. Do you want to buy a copy of Terminator 2 on the shiny new Blu-Ray format or do you think it will look better on HD-DVD? Better yet, which competing format do you think will be the victor (there can be only one.) Can’t you just feel the lines of resolution?

Of course you could wait until it is licensed to iTunes and download it on your iPod. Or maybe the PSP. Why not buy them all and add them to your DVD, VHS and laser disc versions and then wait until Hollywood devises a new way to sell you what you already own. Ask a Star Wars fan.

I realize some people are just collectors and want every version of their favourite film, no matter what the format. But this just reminds me of when cassettes replaced vinyl, which fell before the might of the CD and is now withering away in the shade of the digital download. I have some of the same music in all four formats, not because I’m obsessive (at least not about that) but because I no longer have a record player or tape deck. They broke and/or became inconvenient and I moved on to the latest tech while vowing ‘Never again!’

Over the last couple of years I have been picking up DVD box sets of my favourite TV shows, and in the case of the long-running Simpsons, that is no cheap prospect. So what happens when a new format takes over the entertainment landscape and DVDs begin to disappear? Sure, they are cheap and plentiful now, but it will happen as new films are no longer released on DVD and the new tech becomes cheaper and cheaper. Blu-Ray insists that players will be backwards compatible, but also notes that will be up to the manufacturer.

Isn’t it time that consumers stop getting suckered into replacing perfectly good versions of movies and music? You don’t see readers racing to the bookstore to pick up the paperback version of their hardcover novels, just because they are new. I’d like to see a content license so that when you buy a movie (or album), you are paying for the content and not the format it comes in. When you pay, you get something that allows you to get it again in whatever new format appears. Tony Gentile of buzzhit! suggests something similar, called Amorphous (Perpetual) Content Licensing.

Of course the studios will never agree, but a lowly consumer can dream can’t he? It’s enough to drive one to file sharing…

No Time For Losers

I’m not a big hockey fan, which means I’m not a very good Canadian. But there I was watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I watched it at a downtown bar named C’est What and drank Hemp Ale microbrew, but I watched it nonetheless.

Anyway, the Edmonton Oilers went down to the Carolina Hurricanes (who?) and I spent my time wondering how Queen became such a sports fixture. As all the Carolina Canadians were laying their lips upon the Holy Grail, the sounds of “We Are the Champions” filled the arena. No time for losers, indeed. I can’t be sure, but I think I may have heard “We Will Rock You” as well. Don’t get me wrong, I like listening to Queen every once in awhile (and hollering Bohemian Rhapsody at karaoke if truth be told), but isn’t it time for a new sports anthem? And that Smashmouth song doesn’t count.

Maybe it’s the fact that only 20-second snippets get played during games, but there are some generally terrible songs being played at sports events:

“Who Let The Dogs Out” - Baha Men
“Get Ready For This” - 2 Unlimited
“Whoomp! There It Is” - Tag Team
“Na Na Na Na (Kiss Him Goodbye)” – Steam
“Final Countdown” - J. Tempset
“Rock and Roll Part 2” - Gary Glitter

The only song adopted by sportos that I still enjoy listening is Blur’s “Song 2,” which appears to have been rescued from pogoing frat boys. As for the rest, I protect myself by not watching sports.

The Movies Made Me Do It

Be careful out on the streets this weekend, lest someone dressed like Strong Bad jumps you from behind and pulls a tope or a guillotina on you.

With the release of Jack Black’s Nacho Libre, hordes of teenagers will be donning costumes and performing Mexican wrestling moves on unsuspecting passers-by. Expect cracked heads and maybe some broken limbs, all caused by kids who personify “monkey-see, monkey-do.”

Seems unlikely, but that’s exactly the kind of thing being expected from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Police just outside of Toronto are placing officers around theatres playing the film to watch for “erratic driving coming out of these type of theatres… People come out — if I can use the expression — revved up after these types of movies,” Chief La Barge told globeandmail.com. “We have a perennial problem with street racing in our community and these types of glorification movies don't help the cause at all.”

It’s true that there has been a lot of deadly street racing in and around Toronto and I don’t want to make light of that, but I don’t think any entertainment drives anyone to do anything, let alone commit crimes. Last January a Toronto cabbie was killed by two idiot kids who slammed into his cab while racing. On one of their seats was a copy of Need for Speed, a racing game. The two were quickly connected.

Does anyone remember when heavy metal was causing kids to commit suicide? How about when Dungeons and Dragons was leading people to Devil worship and murder? After the Columbine shootings, some said the shooters were emulating scenes from The Matrix. There will always be people, especially teenagers, willing to do stupid things and there will always be some pop culture phenom to blame it on. But saying they are connected doesn’t make it so, no matter how much easier it makes things appear.

Love to Link You Baby

Time to spread the link love. I spent my day reading other people's blogs instead of writing my own today, so I thought I would share the joy:

• I’m already dreading The Simpsons movie and it’s not coming out for another year. Reports Culture Kills… NewsCorp is going to leave no stone uncovered making sure everyone knows it’s coming. They’ll make Krusty look subtle with their advertising campaign. Sigh.

• Funnier than wikipedia (of course) and more entertaining than IMDB, check out A History of Angelina Jolie over at Film Experience. You may think that you’ve read enough about the chosen one, but you’d be wrong.

• Over at Cheaper Than Therapy there is a surprising amount of conversation about poutine, a lovely concoction of gravy, cheese curds and fries. Seems Attila the Mom is not convinced, but we can help her see the error of her ways.

• Come on Pilgrim says what I was thinking about the cancellation of Mr. Dressup but just didn’t get around to writing about. I’m glad other people are less lazy than I.

Now go visit.

Farewell to the Chief

If a female TV president falls, does anybody hear? Commander in Chief, one of the breakout new dramas at the beginning of the year, is airing its last episode tonight, with viewership dropping faster than George W. Bush’s approval rating.

In today’s Globe and Mail, TV columnist Andrew Ryan suggests that America (and I suppose Canada) “was simply not ready for Commander in Chief – and it may never be ready for a lady president.” It’s a rather harsh assessment for a show that was killed off for far more mundane reasons.

I watched President Geena Davis when she made her debut in the White House and followed along quite happily until one day it wasn’t on anymore. Months passed before its return and by then I was watching other shows and had lost track of the various storylines.

Much like Invasion, the programmers at ABC took a promising show, let it build an audience, and then took it off the air to run a mid-season replacement. When it came back on air it was on a different night, where it has languished on its way to cancellation. Ryan says the show’s fate was sealed by the schedule changes, but blames it on viewers not being able to accept a woman in the White House. If that were the case, would millions have tuned in at the beginning of the season, or Davis been rewarded with a Golden Globe. It’s much more likely that her re-election was doomed by network bungling.

It’s been a particularly bad year for scheduling decisions, and it’s what killed off Invasion as well. I thought that Prison Break was doomed by the lengthy hiatus that Fox put it on, but thankfully viewers returned to the show and the boys made it over the wall. While two worthy shows have fallen under the wheels, I hope that the programmers have learnt that they can’t take viewers for granted.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

I’ve never cared that much about cars. I don’t have a dream car that I lust after and have always seen vehicles as a means of transportation rather than a status symbol. Add to that to my basic automotive knowledge (I know where the key, gas and oil go) and I wasn’t revving to head out and see Pixar’s latest.

Not that Cars needed my help to race to the top of the box office, mind you. But lest I appear to be chanting “Two legs good, four wheels bad,” there are a few vehicles that have caught my eye over the years.

My first gas-fueled affair was on Herbie, the Love Bug. I likely hadn’t even seen the movie yet when my aunt taught me the joy of slugging someone in the shoulder and yelling “Love Bug!” when a VW Bug passes. Once I was introduced to Herbie, I was taken by the self-confident, smart aleck car that knew better than it’s drivers.

The next car to catch my eye was the coolest set of wheels on the big screen and driven by Burt Reynolds. Smokey and The Bandit convinced me that I wanted a black Trans-Am, which seemed cool at the time. Of course if I owned one now it would be more appropriate for hanging about at night in the grocery store parking lot of my hometown, comparing neon light installations with the locals.

I got over that ill-conceived obsession by dreaming of jumping into the open windows of the General Lee and leaving the law in my dust. In a Dukes of Hazard moment, inspired by the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage,” my university roommate climbed out the window of my very un-Bo-and-Luke-Duke Subaru and found out the hard way that you need to watch out for door locks.

The last car in my pop-culture parking lot was the most sophisticated of the lot, despite being piloted by David Hasselhoff. Knight Rider's KITT was cool, despite the snooty British voice. He was the General Lee of mid-80’s California. I got my picture taken with KITT at Universal Studios when we went to Los Angeles. I was also wearing a red jacket that I thought looked like Michael Jackson’s, so I’m kinda glad I can’t find the photo.

For the Love of Money

Remember Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes? They were the Hollywood couple that had a baby before Shiloh Jolie-Pitt became the next stage in human evolution.

Anyway, it turns out that they are still around and spreading the love cash around. Anyone who somehow still believes that they have been pin cushioned by Cupid’s arrows need only look at the mega-buck prenuptial agreement they have signed.

Cruise is reportedly offering Holmes $3 million for each year she maintains the façade of marriage, for up to $33 million. If she makes it through eleven years of Scientology brainwashing she will be eligible to take Maverick for half his fortune, estimated to be around more money than you’ll ever see in your lifetime.

Now isn’t that what love is all about, getting everything that you can and than hitting the road? She might as well, her film career wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t see what Cruise is getting out of it though, everybody already thinks he’s crazy.

May their love last until death, or $33 million, do they part.

(TomRat Family Portrait from Gallery of the Absurd. Seriously, she's really that good.)

Go$$ip

The gossip wars have taken an interesting turn with the arrival of Brangelina’s baby Shiloh. Anyone who doesn’t think there’s serious money (and ego) at stake need only look at the battle raging over the first photos that hit the web. Reported Page Six yesterday:

BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie got top dollar for the first pictures of baby Shiloh - but they made the weekly celeb glossies work for it. All the weekly magazine editors were summoned to the offices of the Getty photo agency at Canal and Varick late Saturday night. "We were sequestered into separate and un-air-conditioned offices," said one. "The photos were shown to us around 10 p.m. to midnight, and then we had to submit bids by 6 a.m. Sunday morning. No one got any sleep at all, as it was a manic game of phone-tag to top each other's bids. I'm convinced it was Brangie's revenge on the weekly magazines." The pictures went to People for $4.1 million.

But then the cover photo from Hello! was leaked and showed up all over the place. Everyone jumped on and it appears the celeb mags have freaked. Cease and desist letters have landed on the big gossip blogs Perez Hilton and Pink Is the New Blog and likely others, who have pulled the pic from their sites, at least temporarily. I even saw Perez’s version on Toronto’s CTV local newscast last night, complete with his scrawl on the picture. Those lawyers are going to be busy as you can easily find the photo even on the first page of Google images.

What this really shows is that these magazines are worried about their online gossip competitors. They should be – the sites are updated throughout the day and there are no publishing delays. Expect this fight to get nasty

As for me, I’m just illustrating the battle, not cashing in on the photos. Lawyers can send their complaints to the above email.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

If you’re reading this, the world has not come to an end… yet. It could still happen a bit later, or perhaps The Rapture has occurred and, I hate to tell you, if you’re still here it’s not looking good.

My hell is pointless Hollywood remakes, so June 6, 2006 will truly be a devilish day for me. Witness a remake of The Omen being released to coincide with the, um, ominous date. The original is fantastically creepy piece of horror and suspense. It has entered the pop culture lexicon, with Family Guy’s Stewie Griffen attempting to kill his mother Lois by knocking her off the stairs with his tricycle in a scene straight out of the film. Damien, the son of Satan himself, joins the South Park boys' class.

Is watching a 30-year-old movie really that hard? Or is it just a cynical piece of marketing based around the 6/6/06 date? Silly question, of course. Jokes on them – The Book of Revelation, which started this whole mark of the devil foolishness ("This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty-six.") – was written when the Julian calendar was in use, not the modern day Gregorian calendar, so who knows what day 6/6/06 would really fall on. Take that marketing department!

I'm No Celebrity

File these under Ways In Which My Life is Unlike a Celebrity:

•Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s lawyers have registered ShilohJoliePitt.com as a gift to the happy couple, commemorating the birth of their little one. I could be wrong, but I don’t think my lawyers will do the same for me this October. Oh right, I don’t have lawyers or my own domain either. Celeb kids, is there anything they don’t have? (Pic from Gallery of the Absurd)

• Is releasing a video of you floating about a pool the best way to confirm your pregnancy? If you are Anna Nicole, then answer is yes. Whatever happened to keeping things to yourself and retaining some privacy and dignity? Oh right, silly question.

• I don’t go to the hypnotist to cure my $100,000 in a day shopping addiction, like Lindsay Lohan does. I’m more worried about why I keep clucking like a chicken, which started somewhere around the time when I first saw a hypnotist. Maybe they can convince me yo replace the shirts I bought in university.

I'm Lovin' It

“Maybe McDonald’s food is the way it is because Ronald is lonely.”
“Lonely? He’s asexual.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not lonely. Maybe he needs a car.”

So begins a conversation between characters in Douglas Coupland’s latest novel, jPod, which ends with them writing letters to the fast food mascot, competing to be his mate. Which, inevitably, got me thinking about Mickey D’s. I did my time at a franchise back in high school and I still eat there, even though Fast Food Nation almost did me in.

In honour of Coupland, I went looking for McDonalds pop culture parodies. If Ronald is lonely, where better place for him than a franchised version of Edward Hopper’s diner in “Nighthawks.” It would only have been better if Ronald himself had his back to us.


Ronald probably doesn’t see himself that way, with the Clown Prince more likely imagining himself sitting down to dinner with a group of close friends. Correct me if I’m wrong, but does that make Hamburglar Judas?








Of course not everyone thinks the golden arches is fit for fine dining, or even edible for that matter. For the 50th anniversary of McDonalds, the Billboard Liberation Front created a new billboard called “To Serve Man” which included a Ronald McDonald force-feeding a hamburger to an obese kid. Seems the grease mongers have just been fattening us up for the alien invasion. You bastards!




I have no idea what this one is about, but this cute little Wolverine-like teddy bear seems pissed at Ronnie. If anyone can read this, please let me know. Japanese pop culture is so weird.

When we were in Nagano, you could get a Quarter Pounder, but it came with an egg on top of it. I'd take a swipe at him too.




Some people are a little more obsessed with the junk food clown. A Day in the Life of Miss McDonald is the site of a woman in the Philippines who dressing up like Ronald and goes about her daily life. Sure, why not.

"I bet Ronald is at home as we speak," continues one of Coupland's characters. "He's in his bathrobe and staring out the den window at the immaculately maintained front garden. he wonders if it was all worth it - the fame, the money, the fries - and then he has the moment when he realizes that this is all he'll ever be. It shocks him - the purity of the emotion. He has to sit down in an armchair. He reaches over to the bookshelf and, from between a row of comic book, he removes a bottle of Scotch."

Super Size Me

I never liked superhero comics as a kid. When I was eight a family friend gave me his entire comic book collection, a couple of boxes worth, a true treasure trove. I dug through the pile, separating the Archies, Richie Riches, Casper the Friendly Ghosts and Scrooge McDucks of the collection, separating them from the masked avengers, caped crusaders and their dark-panelled ilk.

I then sold all the heroes.

Their grim worlds just couldn’t compete with the bright fantasies of the poor little rich boy or the thoughts of diving through a bank vault full of coins. I wasn’t ready for their dystopian visions yet, or maybe I just liked the idea of all of that conspicuous wealth. Things sure have changed.

I later came to appreciate the heroes through cartoons, TV and movies. I watched the original Spider-Man with its jerky animation and endless scenes of web slinging off of empty flagpoles. I followed the Super Friends and still snicker at the phrase “Wonder Twins power, activate!” Campy as it was, I still enjoy the old Batman and love the fact that Adam West has pulled a Shatner-esque career revival. Watching the Incredible Hulk was a weekly ritual (he was like The Littlest Hobo, except angry, and I liked him when he got angry.) And Christopher Reeve was Superman, even if he fought Richard Pryor.

So when the comic book movies trend began in the late ‘80s, I understood where they were coming from, at least in a diluted form. I loved Tim Burton’s Batman (even though I thought Val Kilmer was a better choice than Michael Keaton) and I appreciated that Batman Begins toned down the supervillains and grounded the series. Ang Lee did an impression of placing a camera over top of a comic book and yelling action, and his Hulk failed. Whereas Robert Rodriguez’s Sin City succeeded when he filmed a comic book from the inside out, sans animation.

But the series that have captured the spirit, at least as I understand it, are Spider-Man and X-Men. Both tied emotional depth, gravitas and angst to cutting-edge special effects and making things blow up real good. Much like anyone who attempts a dinosaur movie will be compared to Jurassic Park, they have set the bar high for all those who follow.

Which brings me to X-Men: The Last Stand. With original director Bryan Singer off to helm Superman Returns (the most milquetoast of heroes), the reins fell to Brett Ratner, who appears to understand the basics, but has few tricks of his own. It’s as it he decided that everyone knows the characters already, so let’s just get on to the fighting. Which, I admit, looks fantastic. It raked in over $100 million over the weekend, so people obviously agreed, but I hope some of the newcomers go back and watch the first two films to see what they missed. There is little depth or emotional resonance and you need some of both to care. A major character is killed off early in the film and I felt nothing.

During the credits the fanboys sitting behind me in the theatre said, “I bet (Ratner’s) never even read an X-Men comic. Somebody probably just told him who they are.” I haven’t read one either, despite it’s 40 plus years of existence, but even I know this series deserves better than treading water.

Facing the Music

Even after two years of using iTunes to play all my music, I’m still fascinated by it. I think I’m obsessed with stats and I really have no idea why, but there it is.

With that said, I delved into my iTunes and took a look at what the top 10 most played songs were. It’s interesting, I have over 5,000 songs on my iPod but over a third of them remain unplayed while other’s filter up to the top. So I’m going to indulge in a little self-reflection as nothing else in pop culture amuses or annoys me all that much today.

1. E-Pro, Beck, Guero
Guero is best album Beck has put out. It’s a great blend of Odelay, Mutations and Sea Change and I couldn’t stop playing it last summer. I always worry that I’ll get stuck in a musical bubble (and I do have a lot of mid-90s music) so I’m pleased to see more than half of the top 10 is from this decade.

2. Dead Disco, Metric, Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?
This album grabbed both Gill and I from the moment we heard it and wouldn't let go. Since then we’ve given it to friends and insisted others pick it up. I’m happy to see I’ve got a fair amount of Canadian music in the mix – Metric is from Toronto for those who don't know. Who says CanCon rules don’t work?

3. Rebellion (Lies), The Arcade Fire, Funeral
Best Canadian band currently recording. I’d heard a lot about them but not really given them a shot until the unlikely moment when I had to watch the Much Music Video Awards for work last year and their performance stole the show, even though most of the audience didn’t appear to know what the hell was going on. Get this album and rejoice.

4. The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism, The New Pornographers, Mass Romantic
Another great Canadian (Vancouver) band and they are the masters of the power pop song. I expect some tracks from their latest, Twin Cinema, to land in the upper ranks of my play list eventually.

5. Monster Mash, Bobby 'Boris' Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers
We really didn’t have many Halloween decorations this year, just an un-carved pumpkin, so I downloaded Monster Mash, put it on loop on the laptop and dolled out candy to the neighbourhood rug rats.

6. Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway
Damn, Kelly Clarkson? Oh right, Gill and I share the iPod. I'm surprised there’s no Dixie Chicks in this list.

7. Molly's Chambers, Kings Of Leon, Youth & Young Manhood
I was introduced to Kings of Leon through a TV commercial for a car. Not sure which car, but I went and found the song, than the album. I guess ads do work, just not always the way marketers hope.

8. Spirit In The Sky, Norman Greenbaum, The Event Soundtrack
I wouldn’t have thought I listened to this often but it is on the summer party mix so maybe the amateur DJs at our last party dialed it up a lot. They were handing this soundtrack out after a screening of Thom Fitzgerald’s film at the Toronto Film Festival three years ago.

9. Girls & Boys, Blur, Parklife
A classic Blur song. Though never as big as Oasis, they were by far the better of the bands during the ‘90s British Invasion. Enough of the Gorillaz, Damon, bring back Blur!

10. 6'1", Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville
The whole album is Liz at her angriest and I love every moment of it. Just once I’d like to see a Canadian or American Idol hopeful take on one of her songs, but I know it will never happen.

Lost Faith

I’m feeling a lot like Locke these days. Not the 17th century philosopher but the bald, boar-hunting Locke of Lost. Having discovered the hatch is just a pointless psychological experiment, the mystical Locke appears to have given up on the mysteries of the island.

I haven’t abandoned my faith yet, but it is wavering. The finale airs tonight and I hope to get some sign from above (I’m looking at you J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof) to justify my devotion, or at least to convince me that I’m not following a deranged cult that is making it up as they go along. I have defended Lost against those accusations before, but I find myself wondering if it isn’t true.

The runaway success of the show came as a surprise to the creators and now, due to the business models of network TV, the pressure is on to continue the show as long as possible and that means drawing out the storyline. To quote a recent Entertainment Weekly cover story: “(Executive producers) Lindelof and Cuse say that they would love to write the drama knowing that it has an end point, ideally about five seasons. But Cuse believes the show can survive on character-driven redemption tales for years…” They say they know they need to deliver the goods and here’s hoping. I can’t follow blindly for much longer.

My crisis does not come solely from the show, but also from my foray into the “Lost Experience.” I just finished reading Bad Twin, a mystery purportedly written by an author who disappeared on Oceanic Flight 815. The book was the first entry into the real world by the fictional world of Lost – a copy of the manuscript was found on the show and Jack grabbed it from Sawyer during a recent episode and threw the last few pages into the fire. I should have been so lucky. Anyone looking for clues to the mysteries of the island could make better use of their time watching each episode frame by frame for all it revealed. The Lost references were few and far between, with only two brief mentions of the Hanso Foundation, despite what a recent ad by the fictional creators of the Dharma Initiative alleges.

The book is a cliché-filled piece of crime fiction, littered with references to redemption, faith and fate and even the author’s name – Gary Troup – is an anagram for purgatory. Which is fine, except that the purgatory theory has been thoroughly debunked: “We have said it is not purgatory, but people don’t want to believe it… These human beings have hearts, and when those hearts stop beating, they are dead,” Lindelof told EW.

With yesterday's announcement of a Lost video game (can I play Charlie on a heroin high?) I worry that the story will get burried in an avalanche of marketing tie-ins. What ABC is trying to do to keep viewers engaged is laudable, but they are going to have to maintain the quality of the show if they hope to be successful.

For a list of Lost Experience sites and other tidbits, check out my friend Jen’s recap over at Dose. Speaking of which, I have another friend named Jen who’s twin Nikki Stafford is writing a guide book called Finding Lost that will be out in September. Which twin is the bad twin is not for me to say, but I have much higher expectations for her book than Gary Troup’s. She is interviewed about tonight’s finale over at Canoe.