I Want To Go To Mt. Splashmore!

Is there anything left that the Simpsons haven’t slapped their brand on? Like Herschel Krustofsky slapping the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval on another cheap product, Fox has found something new to add their logo to – a theme park ride. And I want to ride it.

The new Universal Theme Park attraction will allow people to "experience a side of Springfield previously unexplored as they enjoy the new ride's interpretation of thrill rides, dark rides and 'live' shows that make up a new fantasy amusement park dreamed up by the show's cantankerous Krusty the Clown." Fun, but after 18 seasons couldn’t they do more than a single ride? I have a few suggestions for some more.

The natural connection is, of course, Itchy and Scratchy Land - the violentest place on earth. There is Torture Land, Explosion Land, Searing Gas Pain Land and Unnecessary Surgery Land. With rides like Head Basher, Blood Bath, Mangler and Itchy's Mine Field there are plenty of attractions to pick from, but I love the Log Ride, pictured above.

Next up, Mt. Splashmore!
I want to go to Mt. Splashmore,
Take me, take me, take me, take me now!
Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
Mt. Splashmore, take me there right now! Yay!
This water park has the best name for a ride, ever: Challenge the raging water of death. Dare to discover what water is really made of! H2WHOA!

Speaking of water rides, how could I forget The Little Land of Duff attraction at Duff Gardens where Lisa drinks the water and becomes the Lizard Queen!

Duff Beer for me!
Duff Beer for you!

I'll have a Duff,

You have one too!

They could even keep the Seven Duffs mascots: Sleazy, Queazy, Edgy, Surly, Tipsy, Remorseful, and Dizzy.

The park needs another roller coaster, so I would suggest the train from Baboon Country, USA – as long as the baboons attack the train each time it rolls though their enclosure.

Speaking of Rev. Lovejoy, there is also the Holy Roller-Coaster from the church fundraiser, as well as the Tunnel of Abstinence and the Whack-A-Moses game.

So come on Fox, you can do better than a single ride. It’s time for an entire theme park – the show has been running long than most teenagers have been alive.


  1. Wow... I have both the sound of Bart and Lisa bugging Homer to go to Mount Splashmore(Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore? No! Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore? NO!) and the Duff Gardens song(Duff Beer for you, Duff Beer for Me... I'll have a Duff, you have one too) in my head at the same time.

    Now that is a headache producer.

  2. Popped Culture: Causing Migraines Since 2004

    Hmm, not sure I should use that as a new tagline.