"Turn it into a movie and we'll talk," I said two weeks ago about the forthcoming Jane Austen monster mashup
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The studios were listening. The Sunday Times is reporting that Hollywood big wigs are
bidding on the rights to the book and "co-author" Seth Grahame-Smith expects to sign a deal soon.
“It quickly became obvious that Jane [Austen] had laid down the blueprint for a zombie novel,” Grahame-Smith told The Times. “Why else in the original should a regiment arrive on Lizzie Bennet’s doorstep when they should have been off fighting Napoleon? It was to protect the family from an invasion of brain-eaters, obviously.”
This, of course, is a terrible idea, which is why it will most likely be made. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains,” opens the book, a truism equally applicable to Hollywood executives. Just because everyome on the web is excited about an idea (this author included) doesn't mean anyone will buy it. Snakes On A Plane anyone?
But let's enjoy the insanity while we can. Here is an excerpt from
Cinema Suicide, via
Austenprose:
“Come, Darcy,” said Mr. Bingley, “I hate to see you standing by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance.”
“I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it.”
“I would not be as fastidious as you are for a kingdom! I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and several of them are uncommonly pretty.”
Before Mr. Darcy could respond, a chorus of screams filled the assembly hall, immediately joined by the shattering of window panes. Unmentionables scrambled in, their movements clumsy yet swift; their burial clothing in a range of untidiness.
Guests who had the misfortune of standing near the windows were seized and feasted on at once. Elizabeth watched Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.
I imagine it will look a lot like the fine piece of photoshop work above. Billy Connelly makes such a fine zombie. Mmmm, Keira Knightley's brains.
According the The Times, more monster-lit titles are on the way, including a "version of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, where Catherine, the deceased heroine, returns as a Japanese-style ghost not only to haunt but also to terrorize Heathcliff.
In a reworking of Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester has something more terrible than an insane spouse in his attic, and a version of George Eliot’s The Mill on the Floss is powered by human sacrifice."
Finally, some accessible literature! Now if someone could rework The Iliad and the Odyssey, I could go back and work on my masters.
Thanks to
Kyle for letting me know the madness continues.
Passive Aggressive Notes: Painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over
All work and no cookies makes Jack a dull boy.
Just like the Robot Dance, this is old, but it makes me happy. From designer Cameron McEwan at Threadless.
"Turn it into a movie and we'll talk," I said two weeks ago about the forthcoming Jane Austen monster mashup Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The studios were listening. The Sunday Times is reporting that Hollywood big wigs are bidding on the rights to the book and "co-author" Seth Grahame-Smith expects to sign a deal soon.
My Little Alien: I knew there was something wrong with My Little Pony, I just didn't know it would come bursting through my chest cavity. This, and several more are from Mari Kasurinen, who has a Flickr page, a Deviant Art site and a website devoted to her custom toy creations.
My Little Edward Scissorhands: A misunderstood My Little Pony with razor-sharp blades for hooves. Marvelous! It even looks like Johnny Depp!
My Little Buckbeak: Nothing really horrifying about this custom My Little Pony, in fact the Buckbeak was a friendly to Harry Potter. I just loved the look.
My Little Han Solo: Had carbonite freezing been available in my teen years, this is how all of my sisters Ponies would have ended up.
My Little Boba Fett: If you have My Little Han Solo, you naturally have to have My Little Boba Fett. Now no more of this before George Lucas gets any ideas.
My Little Borg: If the Borg were to assimilate everything then it follows that they would assimilate My Little Pony as well. But it would be there undoing...
My Little Cthulhu: H.P. Lovecraft's embodiment of extreme horror, terror and evil, Cthulhu is a perfect candidate for a My Little Pony mod.
My Little Worf: Comes with his own bat'leth. I think Klingons would secretly love My Little Pony, just like they love prune juice — because they are both so terrible.
My Little Master Chief: The Chief isn't quite as imposing as a pony, but I'd happily stick a few plasma grenades on him, just to see what happens.
My Little Trojan Horse: Ah, the Classical Studies education pays off once more. How could the Trojan's resist bringing in something so cute? Which makes me wonder about Trojan condoms — oh sure, it's clever, there's something hidden inside! But when it gets out (and it does) it will slaughter you and burn everything you have to the ground. Hmm, guess that's why I'm not in advertising.
"One package of Double Stuf Oreos has thirty-six cookies. Each cookie is 'double stuffed' which means there is enough of the good stuff in there for seventy-two Oreo cookies. So what would you call it if you stacked all that gooey goodness into ONE MASSIVE COOKIE?"
“You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a leprechaun, a monster, a cap’n, a tiger, and a rabbit. Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Cereal Club.”
"Fans have pestered me for years,” said Berkeley Breathed, “for this ultimate Bloom County collection in that polite, respectful badgering way that only fans can manage. Thank God I can now tell them something better than just 'please remove your tent from my lawn.' I can say, 'It's coming!"
