I Started a Joke...

It’s just not funny anymore, Britney. The quickie Vegas marriage and even quicker annulment was hilarious. The talentless hack that moved into your mansion and womb provided for some great eye-rolling moments. The Cheetos, the bare-feet-in-the-gas-station and the C-section barring upskirt photos were icing on the cake, but I’m finding it hard to keep laughing.

When the former pop princess entered a salon and shore off her locks in full view of the paparazzi before heading off to get tattoos on her neck and wrist it seemed more of an act of desperation than another chapter in the Wacky World of Ms. Spears. To be sure it was a plea for attention, but something had changed. It seemed sad and bewildering.

Many of her fans and former aides agreed, calling on Spears to get help of some kind. She heeded that call today, checking herself back into rehab – for what, nobody is saying. Rehabilitation clinics are the retreat of choice for celebrities these days but perhaps she could use some counseling on the underlying problems, not the substances she’s using to blot them out.

She finds herself at 25, a soon to be divorced single mother of two after a meteoric career that saw her go from the Mickey Mouse Club to headlining stadiums in a few short years. Now she is facing a dwindling if not dead career while the bright, blue light of fame continues to fry her crispy. The list of child stars that have imploded in their adult life is long and impressive, but Britney appeared to have escaped that fate, though perhaps the effects of being on display since before she was a teenager are beginning to take their toll.

Not that she hasn’t done well by her career – homes worth tens of millions of dollars and all the other toys and trinkets that come with that kind of wealth and fame. Nor would anyone consider her a shrinking violet, as there have been times where she couldn't say no to a camera. Those were the days when people could fantasize about her, taunt her, or both. These days the fantasies are creepy and the laughs cheap. The talking tan that is Ryan Seacrest smirked on American Idol tonight that contestant Phil Stacey, who’s bald, had a Britney Spears look. The joke couldn’t have died any faster – it was like he was in an empty room.

Of course not everyone feels the same. The Heathers (Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan) are reportedly as supportive as one could expect. At Hilton’s birthday bacchanalia in Las Vegas, the newly shorn star was the talk of the town. "Britney was the butt of everyone's joke. All the girls kept saying how fugly she looked as a baldie," one Hilton pal snickered. Esther's Haircutting Studio, where Brit went bald, has subsequently set up BuyBritneysHair.com and is offering her locks for the mere price of $1 million, but you also get the clipper she used, the Red Bull she drank at the salon and her cigarette lighter. It gets easier to understand why she had a breakdown.

Once she cleans up, she should sell the mansion and shun the media and attempt to live a quiet life. Fans, media and the paparazzi will always be interested but it will die down eventually. Take care of all your addictions, Britney, and that includes the one to fame.

Update - Feb. 21:
What was I thinking? Here I thought Brit had hit finally hit rock bottom and would chill out and dry out in rehab for a stint and try and pull it together. Nope, in less than 24 hours she checked out of her second clinic in a week. Nice - I've had longer flights than that. It's amazing, she's doing the impossible and making Kevin Federline look like the resposible one of the pair and he is now seeking an emergency custody hearing. Well done, I'm sure the judge will be impressed with your few hour dabble of a 45-day program. Good luck to you and hopefully the next post won't be about your hospitalization.


  1. Your blog may suffer from but I say we treat britt, anna nicole, paris, lindsay and all the other attention whores like we are told to treat bullies.

    if everyone stops paying attention to them, they may just go away.

    Man that is a dreamland to me. Take Entertainment Tonight and all those shows away as well.

  2. Well, I'm not at all surprised that Britney checked herself into rehab. The quickie marriage, marrying K-Fed, the panty-less look, all of that could be chalked up to typical pop star eccentricity. But somehow walking into that salon and getting her hair shaved just signalled even bigger problems. And it seems to me most people just don't find it a joking matter.

  3. I don't think there is much chance of the cult of celebrity disappearing anytime soon and I think what is going on with Britney is an interesting aspect of it. The spotlight and adoration must feel great when everything is going well, but what must it be like when everything is unravelling? Gotta love the cautionary tale - it really is modern myth making.

    I'm also fascinated by the sea change of public opinion over this latest incident. It has tipped over into not funny for many people, but I wonder how long it will last. If she skips out on the rehab and returns to the clubs, than it will become a 'you get what you deserve' story. Time will tell.

  4. did you want the late show with tv's craig ferguson?...think it was tuesday..he did his entire monologue on her..said he wasn't going to do any more britney jokes, that he was celebrating his 13th year of sobriety and he just felt to bad about what was happening to her that he couldn't do it any more...pretty great of him...

  5. I read about that and, while sober isn't a quality often used to describe me, I understand the sentiment. I've seen some great visual jokes about the recently hairless Ms. Spears, but have decided not to repost them. I don't think I'm better than anyone because of it, I just find it sad now, not humorous.