Tom Cruise just can’t win. I find it odd to be feeling sympathetic towards world famous bazillionaire, but circus surrounding the whereabouts (or indeed, even existence) of little Suri Cruise has become absurd.

It has been over three months Suri was born (bought/came out of the test tube/ fell to earth) and still the clamouring public has yet to see Katie Holmes and Tom’s spawn. Does she exist? Was Katie just wearing an ever-expanding pillow around? Is it because Suri looks as much like Tom as Blanket does to Michael Jackson? These are some of the increasingly outlandish claims surrounding Scientology’s chosen couple.

Now I enjoy conspiracy theories and making fun of celebs as much as the next person, but I think the circus surrounding the non-existent pics is a little much. When Tom turned into a couch-jumping, propose-at-the-Eiffel-Tower lunatic, everyone wondered why the previously press savvy star all of a sudden couldn’t find a camera he didn’t love. His public respect began dipping in direct relation to how much face time he received.

Cut to a year later and the couple is now being camera shy with their baby and everyone wants to know why. Jolie and Pitt trot out their little one for $4.1 million and everyone swans over Baby’s First Invasion of privacy. Meanwhile when Tom and Katie’s kid doesn’t grace the tabloids, people speculate their price wasn’t met. Maybe, just maybe, they’ve decided their baby doesn’t need to be exposed to the public curiosity fuelled paparazzi cameras. Nah, that can’t be it. Kid must look like an alien.

(Wonderful X-Files mashup poster from The Art Pitt.)


  1. AnonymousJuly 26, 2006

    I love your post, it's so true, you gotta wonder when we'll see this baby and if it's real then some tabloid person's going to get a shot, come on, they must be working very very hard to keep this baby a secret...i don't really honestly know how they're doing it...i gotta say, i'm going to guess that suri doesn't exist.

    --RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

  2. AnonymousJuly 28, 2006

    I think the more likely explanation is that she is leading a quiet life according to Scientological teachings. Paparazzi = noise

  3. AnonymousJuly 29, 2006

    "Maybe, just maybe, they’ve decided their baby doesn’t need to be exposed to the public curiosity fuelled paparazzi cameras."

    I'm with you there!