If there's something strange in Springfield townJust eat it, eat it , eat itThat's gold, people. Thanks Michael. Thanks Al.
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter , it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, ooh
By now you will have heard of the unexpected death of Michael Jackson and public opinion has quickly divided into two camps: musical genius vs. insane, creepy pedophile."Once upon a time there was a little boy named Michael Jackson, who was a child of incredible, otherworldly talent. Hammered into superstar condition by a merciless warlock of a father who purportedly belt-whipped his musical ambitions into the hides of his countless offspring. Michael was only six years old when his family's singing group, the Jackson Five, was signed to the Motown label. He developed an ecstatic, feral-bird quality in his prepubescent voice that transcended anything human; he possessed the kind of arm-hair-raising sublimity found only in little Anglican choir boys and castrati......Michael became very famous by the time he was only 12, and got truckloads of mail from wildly obsessed fan-boys and fan-girls all over the world who wanted to touch him, kidnap him, steal handfuls of his hair, and tear off his clothing and rub their bodies against them...I couldn't find the essay anywhere online, but I encourage you to search it out and read it in full.
...Shortly after [Off the Wall and Thriller] broke all previous records, mega-mega-megafame trained the deadly blue heat of it's X-ray eye on young Jackson and stared him crispy...
...The fame smothered [Elvis and Michael] overstimulating them into frightful husks of self abuse: they both had to vandalize themselves since the world could do naught but love them...
...Jackson epitomizes the fullest scope of uber-fame in the United States. He's lived through the whole gauntlet: the best parts of it in his earlier years, the worst, humiliating and scandalous parts in the more recent. Anything Michael does now just reads like Outsider Art — he has become as strange and isolated and deranged as anyone who ever walked or crawled through shock treatment. He's the strangest uninstitutionalized crazy person in the public eye since Howard Hughes...
...I predict that his spin surgeons will insist he be stricken by a freak-accident-related coma, in order to cause a burst of previously latent, Princess Diana-esque support for the ailing star. Thousands of fans all over the world will then feel guilty for turning their backs on him and send him Mylar balloons and teddy bears, carnations and crayon drawings."
In Michael Bay's world, everything would be sexier and louder, with an exponential increase in explosions. What gets me about all the terrible reviews for Transformers is that anyone ever expected it to be good in the first place.
Images from Cracked's If Everyday Life Was Directed by Michael Bay
This is what it looks like when toddler Prince cries. Or is that just how big he is? Hmm...
Britney Spears in the centre of the next pandemic. Surprise! I would have thought it would have been Paris Hilton.
Ed Wood meets Raoul Duke, crossed with Edward Scissorhands and Willy Wonka. I love everything about the new images from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, especially Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter.
Pop artist Jim Horwat sends us Back To The Future with his tribute for Gallery 1988's Crazy 4 Cult 3-D, where 100 artist pay tribute to classic cult films.
Photographer Dina Goldstein's series Fallen Princesses looks at fairy tale princesses and their harshly realistic modern day lifestyles. Seems not everybody ends happily ever after.
I love the Cinderella photo for the Labbats Blue sign in the corner, which told me Goldstein must be Canadian. Sure enough, she's from Vancouver. Wow, Cinderella goes from being the belle of the ball to a Vancouver dive bar. Harsh. (Link via The Daily What)
Seeing Brad Anderson's Hollywood version of The Simpsons makes be think that maybe, just maybe a live-actio version wouldn't be horrible.
I think he nailed it with Depp, Buscemi and Colbert. Be sure to check out the whole cast. (Tip via Six Pix Mix)
I've been really busy. I solved the riddle of the Sphinx, gained entrance to the city of Thebes, killed the king and took his place, and then married his wife and had several kids. As it turns out, the guy that I killed to become king was my dad. And the chick that I married and had kids with was my mother. FMLFrom McSweeney's FMyLife Moments in Greek Mythology (via The Daily What), based on the sad/disturbing revelations of FMyLife; The Oedipal Family Circus (via Edward Rueda)
— Oedipus
Today my father made wings out of feathers and wax so that we could escape the king's castle. But I flew too close to the sun and the wings melted. I then fell into the ocean below. I can't swim. FML
— Icarus
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, the characters from Batman took on the some unfamiliar characteristics. At least they did in illustrator Dean T. Fraser's Star Wars : Empire of the Bat.
According to Dan Meth's Futuristic Movie Timeline, Clockwork Orange (there it is again!), Escape From New York and 2001 should have happened already. We're only a few years off from Postman, Robocop and just a decade from Blade Runner, which doesn't seem entirely off base.
Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well, it's Kermit and his droogs, ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence. I knew those Muppets were up to no good. (From Truck Bearing Kibble via The Daily What)
I was never much into biology or hunting and, seeing as my father was both a biology teacher and an avid hunter, I'm sure he was a little disappointed. But thanks to knitter CraftyHedgehog, I can now relive my Gr. 11 dissection class with a slightly less queasiness.
If your tastes run more to the big game side of nature, you can mount a trophy buck or rhino (or dozens of other animals) on your wall without ever harming a critter, thanks to girlsavage's feltidermy.
So does that mean the aliens from Space Invaders were actually retaking their home planet? That we were the invaders? This t-shirt just blew my mind. From the incomparable Glennz.
"Look, let me explain something. I'm not Jesus. You're Jesus. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That or His Dudeness... Duder... or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing."
Good news, everybody! An insider has told Collider that Futurama has been given a 13-episode order by Comedy Central. It's just a rumour so far, but sweet Zombie Jesus that would be amazing news!Network President: Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my Execubots: Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before.Update: It has been confirmed that Fox is indeed reviving Futurama, with a 26-episode run. Said Matt Groening: "We’re thrilled Futurama is coming back. We now have only 25,766 episodes to make before we catch up with Bender and Fry in the year 3000." Good news, indeed.
Alphabot: Hey, hey, hey.
Network President: Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule.
[Betabot rolls two dice.]
Betabot: More reality shows.
Network President: And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate middle America.
Gammabot: It's funny but is it going to get them off their tractors?
[The president plays a clip of Bender dancing on his screen.]
Network President: Now, who put this obnoxious, dancing robot on my network?
Tiananmen Simpsons
Tiananmen Lego
Donatello was a painter? Who knew? (From xkcd, via Geekologie)
Go and ask the wizard for a heart, for a brain? Hell no! You want something, you just go and take it!
Oh Micheal Cera, what will ever become of you?When you're down and outAn infotoon from cartoonist lunchbreath, who has many more gems of wisdom. (Link via @chrisboutet)
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
